Thanks!

We spent our Thanksgiving long weekend in a few locations. We packed everyone up on Wednesday and went to my cousins cabin north of here. Todd was not feeling well, at all, and I did ask if we should abort the mission. He is NOT a whiny sick person at all, and he said he would be fine. He just had a cold. Let's go. So off we went to the cabin. There is no TV there, although we bring a little portable DVD player for Daniel. Some of the time he takes it to the room Todd and I sleep in and watches videos to get away from the craziness. That being 3 boys ages, 8, 7, and 6. It gets loud. But we have visited here many times and our family loves going and spending time with my cousin's family. We have an easy relationship together.

We put together an entire Thanksgiving feast together on Turkey day. It was sometime during that afternoon that I noticed Todd was going the wrong way in his sickness. Instead of bouncing back as we thought, he looked downright frightening. Most parents know that look from their kids, but there was no denying it. He had pink eye and a sinus infection. So it's Thanksgiving day we are in a cabin FAR off the beaten path in a house with 4 kids and 4 adults. This cannot end well! Daniel told him that his eyes were "red with menace!" This is from "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas", but a very appropriate use of the phrase!

We ate our dinner and Beck had some drops from a previous pink eye episode, which in and of itself was enough to be thankful for!! How would she have those with her? During dinner we all talked about what we were thankful for. Each other was a big one, and so was Earth. Each kid seemed to be very thankful for our planet and nature. You can appreciate it more out there amongst it all! They got to go sledding, build forts (not Daniel he prefers the inside in the winter, I get that!) Daniel sang us the Thanksgiving song from one of his favorite shows of past Bear in the Big Blue House. I looked for the video on You Tube and couldn't find it. He sang it word for word to all of us, he probably used to watch that video 6 to 8 years ago and he knows every word. That never ceases to amaze me! "thanks for the stuffing and pumpkin pie, thanks for the meal that's in store, thanks for the sun up there in the sky! So much to be thankful for!" It's super cute and he did a wonderful job. I liked that he alone got to be center stage and everyone appreciated his performance. Daniel was thankful for pumpkin pie, which he does not like to eat but really loves the IDEA of pumpkin pie. That makes him think of Thanksgiving. He ate one bite and had the most awful look on his face and said "that's great, I'm done now".

We left on Friday and headed to Todd's parents. Where Todd immediately went to an urgent care and got some antibiotics and his own eye drops. We got to spend time with his brother and his wife, Todd's parents and my dad and his fiance. In short, a whole new group of people to infect. I asked if we should go home between these legs, but he'd have nothing to do with it. I went out Saturday night and had drinks with friends from college, highschool and elementary school! Todd very wisely stayed at his parents. I got to catch up and chat with some very dear friends who I don't see enough of. We had a stormy drive home on Sunday and watched a van spin off the road into the ditch, it took much longer than usual to get home, but we made it safely. It doesn't sound like the ideal weekend by any means. There were a lot of negative things, but for me, since I wasn't the sick one I found a lot of things that I am feeling particularly thankful for this Sunday night. And if we get through this week without anyone else coming down with pink eye THAT will truly be something to be thankful for!!!

Bike Camp VII

Writing these entries about Daniel's bike camp achievements has me basking in the glow of our accomplishments yet again. Sometimes I look at him with such amazement. My heart swells with pride and love. But sometimes it's so much work. Maybe this just goes along with the saying, (I never remember things like this so I'll butcher it) the harder the work the sweeter the reward? Whatever. It makes getting there even more triumphant. I will say I was warned about what would come after camp. But I tucked it away to the corners of my mind, until camp was finished. I need to do this with Daniel, because otherwise it is just too much information to handle at once. I sort of have to do something, check it off my mental list, then find the next thing in line. I know it's there but I compartmentalize it and pull it out when I need it. So the after was here.

The after is practice. He could ride on two wheels, but was wobbly. At camp we had the giant handle to grab if he started going down. At home we won't. At camp there were college age kids chasing him. At home we have 40+ year olds' who prefer a glass of wine to running in 5k's. So my summer of chasing Daniel up and down the street had begun. We added "ride bike". To his job chart. The job chart was started by a speech therapist we do groups with on Monday nights. She's awesome. I'll write on that later. But she started a job chart. It was hard to get started, as things usually are. It's the transition. But now. If you put something on that job chart, it WILL happen. Just try to stop it! So we added ride bike. Usually I'll put things like this down as 3 times a week or 2 times a week. Then if we are out of town or something we don't have to bring the bike or whatever with us. Because like I said, we'd be doing it. So we started, riding up and down the street with me chasing him. Within a few passes I was gasping for air and coughing and looking downright pathetic. He'd get mad at me because I wasn't keeping up. After a week or so, I mostly had to get him started. He had not mastered starting on his own at camp. They would like this to happen, but he didn't quite get there. So I would tell him which house to stop at, get him going and jog at my own pace to where he was. He would have been stopped and WAITING for me. Waiting is a four letter word for Daniel. Not ever something that makes him happy, but he had too. Mom's just too out of shape kid. So he'd turn around and we'd do it again. Up and down up and down. Of course during this time we were having some of the hottest Michigan weather known to man. It can get humid here, and it was. There is no point to this information except that I'm whining and hoping people feel a bit sorry for me. I know I probably just sound pathetic, so I'll move on.

As he got more steady, we moved on to starting. This was and is always a tricky part of bike riding. But he did pretty well. You just have to STICK TO IT. I'll admit having that job chart probably helped me too, because it kept ME on task. I can see why people bail on this. This probably took about a month to get to this point. We decided to go around the block. It's a pretty good sized block. I was still on foot. So off he went. But I was still jogging and really, my stamina did not seem to be improving. I sort of had high hopes that it may, but I didn't seem to be progressing as much as Daniel. He would get so far ahead of me going around the block, since he was ON A BIKE and I was running and gasping. So I would eventually have to yell for him to STOP! This did not go over well either. He doesn't like to be interrupted. I would just apologize and ask for a minute to catch my breath. It doesn't go without saying that neighbors would usually be smiling and waving at me and, I'm sure, laughing hysterically when they'd go inside! I don't care, we were making progress!

We were going "up north" as us Michiganders say. I wish I knew how that started, but pretty much where ever you live at some point you go "up north". It widely covers almost any destination in Michigan. So in our up north preparations, we decided we had better bring the bikes to keep up the practice. The kids and I were planning on being gone for 2 weeks, so that would be a huge interruption. We brought the bikes. But when we got "up north" I told him, I wasn't running anymore, I was riding my own bike. If he needed a push I could start him and then jump on mine. This was not happy news because apparently I had set the pattern of running. But mama was done running and needed to get her butt on a bike to keep up. If you have a child on the spectrum, to me, this kind of change is easier to do in a different setting. We were in a different city, so that made the change more acceptable to him. Had it been on our block, I think I would have heard a lot more complaining. It is best to be firm and not show any chance of cracking. If he wants to ride, these are the new rules. He accepted and off we went. Riding "up north".

Our bike riding then expanded again. During the 2 weeks up north, we expanded to places. The beach, the skate park, downtown or the library. This is what we'd been working for. I would ride behind Daniel so I could keep my eyes on him and shout out instructions like "slow down", "don't hit the people", or more specifically "yell to the people excuse me and go around them". Things like that. There are literally thousands of scenarios that can come up when you are riding. Daniel is autistic and he does not generalize very well. So pretty much you have to do every situation over and over and over and it doesn't generalize to another situation. It is exhausting. Sometimes when we'd get home I'd have to escape to a quiet room to pull myself together. It was really mentally exhausting.

I discovered there are lots of terms he didn't really understand. One of which is crosswalk. By the way there are, visually, tons of different crosswalks. (I'm married to a civil engineer and complained about this, but apparently he does not have the authority to change crosswalks all over the USA. Huh.) They don't ever look exactly the same. Some have stripes in them, sometimes it's just parallel lines, sometimes the pavement is raised. No two look alike, therefore at each one he doesn't seem to know what to do. This became very frustrating for me. I found a cartoon online that completely made me laugh. I have showed it to people who do not have kids on the spectrum and they didn't really get why I thought it was so funny. Or they told me what they thought and it was way off. So maybe this is just for my own amusement.

I realize explaining this will probably take away the humor, but as my husband tells me with some frequency, I suck at telling jokes, so why stop now? Ya see, my vision of this is Daniel is the person on the sidewalk. The sign says WALK. So he would just WALK. That's what the sign says. So if someone is turning their car in front of you, even though they shouldn't with pedestrians present, he'd just WALK. If there were crocodiles in the road, dog gone it, he'd go. The sign says to after all. It makes it very difficult to teach a rule then explain the millions of scenarios that break the rule. I would constantly tell him to cross within a cross walk and he'd go off in the other direction, the wrong way, and therefore INTO traffic. I swear I lost 10 years of my life in these exchanges. But, it all has to be learned. I was surprised that he didn't understand some of these things already. But apparently, he didn't! Who knew? And if there is any chance of him driving and owning that "little yellow car" he so wants to own some day, better to start learning these things now, before he is behind the wheel of a deadly car.

In the mean time, the bikes are hung up on the roof of the garage. The snow is flying, way too much for November, and we are taking it easy until spring time. We did get to take those family rides to the library, to his old elementary school (2 miles away!) and to his current school. We never did make it to the Aquatics center. But that's OK, we have lots and lots of bike rides in our future.

Bike Camp Part VI

My nerves about the new bike were alleviated when upon rolling Daniel's new shiny silver bike into the camp the camp director looked at it and got a huge smile on her face and said "SWEET BIKE". They were very impressed. I had done well! It wasn't a model on their list, so I was nervous, but it seemed to meet the criteria. Phew!

We put it aside and he gets on a bike. Soon enough he switches to a two wheeler. It has a big handle on the back so the spotters can grab it easily and help guide them. They can also be running and easily help them balance. You can purchase the handles and attach them to your own bikes. I inquired about this and they said I could NOT because Daniel's bike wouldn't accommodate it. It is an adult sized bike and the construction won't allow it. Great. That's a strike for me.

So Daniel is riding while they are holding the handle. When they start letting go and running behind he would sort of make these diving turns. He would turn SO sharply and it would look like he was about to wipe out, but he would adjust it (and his spotter would help). Then he would SCREAM at the top of his lungs like someone was doing this TO him, when in fact he was doing it to HIMSELF. This continued on for a while. The directors were called out onto the floor. Daniel was upset. Oh boy. Here we go. Here is a picture that I titled "the Daniel conference," He's right in the middle of it, by the way.

Then they are headed over to the doors where I'm looking in. I here "mom, we need some help". She says she has seen this before (I told you they've seen everything). They thought he was doing it for a few reasons 1. He is testing the new found skill/boundary. Seeing what will happen. 2. He is getting some sort of sensory pressure when he does this. It, at the same time, thrills him, and scares the crap out of him (hence the screaming!) They, to their credit, wanted my advice. I believe I told them to tell him why he shouldn't do that and keep trying. I believed he'd work it out. And, he did. The screaming was a change from the constant singing of the last few days! I couldn't believe I was thinking this but I wanted Monster in the Mirror back! FAST! We left that day with him having ridden a bike on his own. I mean really. Day 4 he did it on his own. When that child sets his mind to something, he achieves it!

Day 5, Friday. He starts off inside. Pretty quickly they move him out to the parking lot. I am getting anxious because I am realizing after this session we are ON OUR OWN. I need to know what the heck I'm doing to help him. They told me to "where your running shoes" on this day so I could run with him. Excuse me? I am so out of shape. I may not be over weight, but in terms of stamina, I can barely make it to the corner in a jog.

Daniel is, as expected, also feeling anxious. This is a big deal. He was having an inner struggle, as was I. I needed these people! Daniel was getting really upset and Troy the spotter was standing next to me as another guy was running around the parking lot with Daniel. Sometimes they switch off so they can take a breather! Daniel was crabbing and yelling and generally unhappy. I don't know if it's because he was outside and thus far he'd been inside or the fact that it was 90 degrees in the shade. But he was pissed. I find this amazing, but Troy said, "we need to get him singing again". I was astounded! He was right! We do that all the time when he gets really edgy and unhappy. We get him on a song or something we know will "flip that switch" and turn it around. So I said, "yes, that is exactly what you need to do!" I mean really, I am so impressed with this guy. I wish I could contact him and tell him how incredible he is. In the craziness I don't think I ever did that. So Troy says, "he needs to sing Monster in the Mirror". Another volunteer said, "well get out there and get him singing it". Troy says, "I don't know the song." EVERY volunteer there laughed and said, "come ON you HAVE to know the song you have heard it for 75 minutes a day for 4 days!" I told him he didn't have to know all of it, that he could sing one line and he'll start in. So, bless his heart, Troy ran back out there, and started jogging next to Daniel. I couldn't hear what happened, but by the time they came by me again, Daniel was smiling ear to ear, with Troy running beside him, singing wubba wubba wubba , woo woo woo, that Monster in the Mirror it just might be YOU! I mean, how wonderful that an early college age kid would be that in tune to him and instinctively know what he needed. It brings tears to my eyes thinking of that again. BLESS you Troy! I hope you are out there working with kids, 'cause you should be!

At the end of the camp everyone went back inside. They had a little ceremony and gave the kids certificates and a bag of treats and a calendar. All of which Daniel was VERY excited about. He should be one proud kid, and he was. He looked in the mirror and faced that monster who was stopping him and he conquered it, because sometimes that Monster in the Mirror, it just might be YOU! In case you can't quite get the tune in your head. Here it is for you. If you were a Sesame Street fan, I guarantee you'll remember it and it will bring a smile to your face!

There will be one more part to this series, because, though it seems to be the end. It's the beginning of a lot more work. You need to be ready for that if you decide to go down this road! So look for part VII. I know I said I wouldn't go that far, but we have to be flexible, right? :)

Bike Camp Part V

Tuesday. Same thing, next day. Pack up everything, get into car. Drive for 75 minutes and start the camp. Each day the back "wheel" is changed so less and less of the flat base is touching the ground. It is gradual and the guy who invented this is a genius! Daniel gets on and GOES. He doesn't seem to be having any troubles. It is actually all going OK! I start dreaming of bike riding. The places we could go. The freedom this would give him. During our talks about this he says he would like to ride his bike to the library. That would be a great ride for the kids and I to do on a summer day. We talk of riding to the Aquatics Center. Our local pool that we frequent during the summer. So many things to do. Another was for Daniel to get exercise without knowing it! Oh the possibilities.

We finish day two without incident and head BACK to the zoo. This turns out to be the best zoo trip we've ever had. That is saying A LOT because we have been to A LOT of zoos. This one many many times. The Detroit Zoo is a fantastic zoo. I can't believe the number of people who live around here and have never been. If you haven't, please GO. These are my boys on the train. As you saw a few posts ago. Daniel loves trains. That is the first thing we do is get a ticket for the train. It takes you to the back of the park. Then we work our way to the front. It's the routine!

The polar bears are wonderful. On this day we lucked out. They were very active. You can go in a tunnel under the water and if you are lucky they'll be swimming above you. As they were here.

This guys stepped on the top of the tunnel. Look at the size of that foot! It was awesome! Then he decides to sit down and take a rest.

That playing was wearing him out! Here are my boys enjoying the bears!

This was a wonderfully successful day. It was exhausting and I could see it wearing on Daniel. He had ridden the bike two days for 75 minutes each day, plus walked around the huge Detroit Zoo for hours. He deserves it. I can tell he really wants to learn to ride. That is the most important thing. If they don't want it, it is not going to happen! No matter what.

Wednesday at the camp is the day that the parents meet with some of the camp officials. They have had two days to watch and evaluate your child. They sit you down and tell you what they are going to need to ride and what you are going to have to do to continue after camp is done. It is a big commitment and unless you are there in terms of committing yourself, after the camp is done it isn't going to work. They told me what size bike Daniel would need and gave me a list of recommendations. I can list off many things that the bikes should not be, but it needs to sit back some, not up like a mountain bike. More like a cruiser. Your weight is more evenly distributed. It's easier to ride. Now, if you have a bike you can bring it in on Thursday and they will make sure it is set up for him or her. I did not have a bike for him. They strongly recommend you invest in a GOOD bike. Not a Walmart special. They don't last and their cheapness will not make for it being easy to ride. (I secretly love this because I am very very anti Walmart, why? read up on it!)

We get home from the bike camp, fairly early. We didn't have any big outing planned and frankly at this point we were all to exhausted to do it anyway. But I was armed with my list of bikes and I hit the computer for local research. After a few hours rest I drug the boys out to a local bike shop. Now as soon as you say "bike shop" you can hear the cha ching of the cash register right? Right. The first stop was very unsuccessful. They didn't have what I was looking for in his size bike. I know the people who own this shop and wanted to support them. But I also wanted a bike to bring to the camp the next day so they could look at it and tell their thoughts.

We went home and I looked up another shop in Lansing. Riverfront Cycle. I highly recommend this store. We had a GREAT experience. I lucked out in that my cute young salesman had been through a similar camp helping teach kids with special needs to ride. He knew where I was coming from! When things like this happen I feel destiny and everything lining up. It sounds crazy, but it felt right and it was. We got Daniel the MOST amazing bike. It is a Giant which apparently people who ride bikes know of. I do not. The 10 speed bike I had in high school I bought with my own money at Meijer, so I am not an aficionado regarding bikes and quality. Which is why I wanted the camp instructors opinions. I bought the bike and new helmets for both boys (cha ching) and off we went. I immediately had a panic attack that I bought the wrong thing and, well I don't know what I thought would happen, but I thought I would have done the wrong thing (OH NO!?!) and then Daniel wouldn't want to return it. I guess that's my thought. But no. The next day, Zachary went to a friends house and Daniel and I loaded up his bike and took off for Detroit. They were going to put him on a two wheeler today! Thursday. The goal is Friday to have "graduated" to the "outside". We were on track, we had our new Giant in the back and Zachary didn't have to spend another day riding. Things were looking good. . .

Bike Camp Part IV

I never thought this series would end up four parts, but in reality it may be five not more than six! Too wordy? Probably! But hopefully there is at least one person out there it helps!

We have arrived at Bike Camp week! Monday is here. I have Mapquested, checked times, maps, moon alignments and also oddly enough, the weather. You see my big bribe, I mean reward, for getting through 75 minutes of riding a bike non stop in circles was that he'd get to go to the Detroit Zoo afterwards. We lined that up for Monday. A risky decision as I might be letting him catch that dangling carrot on DAY 1, but we went with it. We were meeting my cousin and her boys there too. I had it all planned. Zachary came along as we were planning the big zoo day too. Excitement was high. We had lunches and snacks, Nintendo DS's for car and while Zachary is waiting. Books. Basically, it looked like we were moving to the bike camp. I have learned to have plans a, b and c ready though. This is the looking ahead at all possible scenarios that separates us from the general ed parents.

Bike camp consists of getting on these special bikes. They look "normal" from the front. But in the back there is a wide flat "wheel". This gives stability. There is no rocking back and forth like on training wheels. It gives the rider a much more stable base. Plus each child has at least one spotter. Daniel had two for part of the camp. I believe this was due to his size and weight which you had to provide ahead of time. 120#'s of boy falling over on you can take you down in a hurry. Although I never saw someone fall over. The bikes really don't allow for that. Although it's not impossible. So he had two guys on him. The parents were informed, "no parents in the gym". Gasp! We had to watch through a window. The camp was in a huge gym in a church in Bloomfield Hills. They had bikes ready for the kids via the height and weight previously mentioned. I guess experience has taught the instructors that parents are a distraction. While I totally agree with this, I was pretty bummed. We could check on them though. They just got on and RODE. Around and around and around. Then stop and switch directions (so you aren't always turning left, for example) What this does, and I'm paraphrasing so don't quote me on this, is basically training your brain. That's why they don't want them stopping to ask mom if they can stop and hang out. The more you keep going the better. Then if one kid stops they ALL stop. They obviously would let them stop for a drink if needed, but would get them RIGHT back on. Had they told me this ahead of time I never would have thought this would be possible. But he just did it. These people travel all over the country teaching our kids. So don't let me you hear you say they couldn't handle your kid you'd have to be in there. I believe they have seen it all. And you are right outside the door. Then you go home and sleep on it. This is an important step. Apparently you are still learning it as you are sleeping. I love this!! Learning something while you are sleeping? Pardon the pun, but for me, that's a dream! ahem, sorry. As Zachary likes to say, "my mom loves to sleep." He's so right!

Now when Daniel moves, he sings and or talks. So I can here him in the gym singing. Believe me. This would not be listed under the category, "singing quietly to yourself". He BELTS it out. He is moving, he's singing. It goes hand in hand. He used to do it on the swings too. It's like the motion sets something off. So he's in the gym with Troy the spotter running after him and Daniel is singing "the Monster in the Mirror" at the top of his lungs. (Think Grover from Sesame Street). Sigh. This is Troy with Daniel. These people sign up to RUN for 4 shifts, 75 minutes at a time for 5 days in a row. There is a very special place for them in heaven!

We finish up. Go to the zoo. The whole way to the zoo. DARK clouds are looming. Oh no. This never makes him happy. He is understandably concerned. We get to the zoo. I call my cousin. They are standing by the entrance. By the time we get there, it's raining. My cousin, looks at Daniel (she is a social worker by training, a domestic goddess like myself currently) and says something like Daniel lets go to my house and we'll try again tomorrow. And about as quickly as that happens the sky's parted and, saying it rained, well that would be too much of an understatement. We all turned around and RAN! Daniel was running (this does not hardly ever happen!) . He was running and screaming at the top of his lungs simultaneously. We got into the parking ramp and he let out a scream that you would for sure think someone was stabbing him. The ramp was FULL of people escaping the rain. Now all looking at us. I have LONG ago gotten over this. It used to kill me. I guess I'm not so self absorbed anymore. I calmly told him we would try again tomorrow. He calmed down. Here is the other thing I hear, "you're so lucky he calms down like that, my child wouldn't." Well, my child didn't used to either. This is from YEARS AND YEARS of saying this over and over and over and THEN FOLLOWING THROUGH and doing what I said I'd do. He finally learned he could trust me. I will not say I'm going to do something if I'm not going to. He wouldn't understand that. I don't say, "we'll for sure go tomorrow". "I say we will try again tomorrow and see what the weather is doing."Clearly by the rain that was coming down there was no way we were going in. That was a blessing probably. If it had be drizzling it might have been a more difficult call. Zachary was thrilled to be going to play with his cousins. I guess, at least we had more opportunities to try again. We had four more days. If we had waited until Friday and that happened, we would be going over yet again.

It wasn't how I planned it, but we had plan B. He knew we'd try again. He finished his first day of camp. Now it's time to go home and, well, sleep on it. And try try again.