Valentines Day

Due to the fact that tomorrow is the first day of "winter break", today is the day that both boys have their big Valentine's Day parties. For some reason this has caused quite a stir of anticipation from both of my boys. It is such a flurry of activity for Valentines day. I have been trying to recall if I felt the same way in elementary school and I can't seem to pull up any memories. I know we gave out the tiny folded up valentines to all the kids in the class, but I don't remember a "party". There must have been one, but something makes me think that in these times of commercialism they are a bit more elaborate than the 70's.

Daniel had 54, count 'em, 54 Valentines to address last night. We waited until the night before only because a math test was the day before and I thought that maybe, just maybe, his time would be better spent doing math homework than addressing valentines. I honestly thought he'd never do it all. That is a lot for him. He has a bit of a hard time with his writing. I planned to have him start and then I'd finish them for him. But last night, after we popped the brownies in the oven that he volunteered to bring into the party, we sat down with his list. His class is one of two classes that team teaches. They break into different groups for different areas, and the teachers move fluidly between classes. It's a good set up and, I think, it meets the needs of more of the students. BUT since they work together so often they do parties etc as one. Therefore, 54 Valentines. Daniel sat down and POWERED through them. He wrote the name under To: signed Daniel under "from", checked the name off of his list. I've never seen him so determined! Then he wanted to "decorate" the receptacle for the soon to be delivered valentines. Here he is working diligently:

We had a great time. He was so proud of his work! When he finished he leaned over me, hugged me (a real hug) and said, "I love you mom". Oh my heart just melted typing it. What an incredible blessing to have him able to express that to me.

Zachary, of course, my 9 year old who is a better planner than most adults I know, had his valentines done Monday. In a bag, waiting to be carried out the door, 3 days early. With no prompting from me. On a side note if he and I have one more 10 minute conversation in the morning about the advantages of which coat or combination of coats he should wear to get him through the day, I just may snap. He talks through it, of layering this with that, which gloves would be best, boots/shoes. Clearly the child has too many options. But I digress.

Daniel woke up ready to go today!! I mean what a day, band, parties then SWIMMING. Amazingly, he was telling Todd about swimming with Nikki today. Oh, he remembers her name! Last semester it took him 6 weeks to remember his coaches name and that was with me asking him the whole way there every week, "what's your coaches name? What are you going to say to her?" Then I'd say, "what's her name?" and he'd look at me blankly. Isn't it amazing that he would remember the name of the hot college girl?? My my, isn't the brain interesting? Although I clearly remember Tyson Beckford's name, but not 99% of the people my husband works with. . .

. . . . oh sorry I'm a bit distracted now. Tyson is the only reason that I am eagerly anticipating season 2 of "Make me a Super Model".

I have to say, I have now completely forgotten where I was going with this.

Todd did ask Daniel if Nikki was cute to which he replied "oh yes". We still haven't had that talk. How do you talk to a child about these things when their capacity for understanding is at such a lower level, yet their bodies are obviously developing and responding to puberty? I am at a bit of a loss. If anyone has any advice, I'd be willing to listen.

I think I'll have Daniel give Nikki a valentine. He would enjoy it. I'm sure she would too. I've found that the college students have nostalgia for things like tiny folded valentines with heart shaped suckers attached. They are still close enough to their childhood to remember it better than myself. There are times when I think it is a whole lot of work, forced on us by marketing geniuses thinking of ways to up their February revenue. But now that the work is behind me and I think of Daniel hugging and expressing his love for me, for Zachary taking joy in picking just the right valentine for each classmate, it makes me smile and be thankful. Now if Tyson Beckford would just show up at my door with freshly baked brownies that give you 6 pack abs. . . but that just may be asking for a bit too much.

Savant Skills

I have been putting some thought and discussion into savant skills for many reasons. First a friend of mine asked me to read "Al Capone Does my Shirts". (OK I think that's the title and this just goes to show my complete lack of memory for titles and names.) She is a graduate student at our local Big Ten University and the book is used as a discussion in the class she is teaching. While there are parts of the book that I really liked which included how families of workers on Alcatraz lived there, out of convenience, in the 1930's. I found that part interesting. But in terms of a book to give information about autism, it is not necessarily one I'd recommend. The book has brought some interesting conversation between said friend and I. She wanted my perspective of the book from a parent of a child with autism's view. It's hard because it's the 1930's so (most) people in the book are not doing what we now think are the correct things to help a child with autism. In my reading this for entertainment value only, I understand that. For a bunch of college age students who don't know much about autism, this could be a problem.

The character in the book, Natalie, is autistic in 1935, so of course no one realizes this is autism and as I mentioned her family lives on Alcatraz. She is a savant, and therefore my first negative of the book. It is so stereotypical it annoyed me. I did, however, end up really liking all of the kids in the book, even Piper the bratty girl in charge of all, even her father. I just felt sorry for the mother of Natalie, where most people, I assume, wouldn't like her or just thought she was awful for some of the ways she handled her daughter. I really feel that it being 1935 and not having any idea what the heck was going on with her daughter, she was doing the best that she could, and that's all any of us can do. So I don't judge this character in a book, and in my life I have moved on past judging people. We all have our own reasons for the decisions we make. Even if I don't understand it, or it isn't the choice that I would make, I can now respect their outlook. This is something I would have, I am certain, never achieved had I not been down this road of autism. It is something that, I think, makes me a much better person, and a better friend.

My fellow blogger, Mama Mara, suggested that this reverse memory of Daniel's that I have discussed in two previous blogs, may be some sort of savant skill. Which prompted me to do what I usually do in this situation, I "googled it". I haven't come up with much yet, but I did find the following paragraph in an article from the Wisconsin Medical Society.

Other skills that have been reported less often include: prodigious language (poly-glot) facility; unusual sensory discrimination in smell, touch, or vision, including synesthesia; perfect appreciation of passing time without benefit of a clock; and outstanding knowledge in specific fields such as neurophysiology, statistics, or navigation14. In Rimland's sample of 543 children with special skills, musical ability was the most frequently reported skill, followed by memory, art, pseudoverbal abilities, mathematics, maps and directions, coordination, calendar calculating, and extrasensory perception.8


To me most of these do not seem like savant skills but "autistic characteristics". Maybe they are on a different level than what I am thinking. But doesn't pretty much every autistic have "unusual sensory discrimination?" The one that got me in this was "Perfect appreciation of passing of time without benefit of a clock". I have not heard this framed in this manner and it is a huge thing in our house. For us it can be very inconvenient! No matter where we are, with or without a clock, at 12:25, "it's lunchtime". That is his lunch time at school (this year, it will change year to year if his lunch changes and he'll know the exact time). But if you are out doing errands, heaven forbid if it's 12:25 and lunch isn't there. He also is very good with navigation as noted and can tell you how to get anywhere, (that he's been before) and of course gets annoyed if you change it. For instance, I am stuck at a light and can't turn left, so I go straight to cut through a neighborhood, he gets very upset with me. I have however, for the most part managed to turn it into a joke and say that "I'm going the sneaky way" and we sneak sneak around until we end up on the correct straight and narrow path, for my little Pinocchio.


We have discussed musical ability. He doesn't seem to be any sort of genius, but he does have perfect pitch, can listen to a symphony and pick out which instrument is playing by ear and has picked up his baritone with some ease, seemingly playing the music "by ear". I have also on more than one occasion been CERTAIN he has esp. When this was referenced above it took me by surprise. I would normally never put that out there as that sounds really "crazy". But there it is in the article. A lot of people don't even believe in esp, but I, in fact, do. I swear there have been times that I am SURE Daniel has known exactly what I'm thinking in a very, Twilight Zone sort of way. It seems so ridiculous, I usually put it out of my mind. But think about it. He wouldn't realize that not everyone can do this, sort of like his repeating backwards. The brain is very mysterious and we know their brains function differently, so why not esp is some cases?


I just don't see some of the skills in this article as being savant. Am I missing something? If Daniel was playing his music backwards, that would be a savant skill. He doesn't do the crazy math thing or know that May 11, 1985 was a Thursday (I'm making that up). These are what I think of as savant skills. Or the kid in "Born on a Blue Day" who sees numbers in color. Amazing.


None of it really matters. He is who he is. I love who he is. I really don't think (and I get this question often) that I'd change who he is. The magic question of "if you could make him a nt (neuro typical) today, would you?" That is difficult, because as a mother, he wouldn't be Daniel if he was nt. Also as a mother, there are a lot of things that would be a whole lot less frustrating for him if he were nt. Part of me would love to help him by taking that frustration away, but then again, wouldn't he have a whole set of new issues to deal with? I really hate that question, although it is thought provoking. Doesn't the thought of being able to change him into a neuro typical kid judging who he is? Who he will become? As I said, I'm past that. I'm not judging. If we as parents can't accept our kids for who they are, how do we expect the general population to? It was a long painful road to get to this non-judgemental place. I've worked very hard to get here. I've been told I make it look easy. Here's a shocker, it isn't easy. But I'm here and I'm looking forward to all of the possibilities ahead for Daniel, savant skills or not.

A New Semester

Yesterday was the beginning of spring semester swim. Daniel started swimming with the MSU Department of Kinesiology when he was six years old. For more information about this program, click here. He is twelve now. I can't believe it's been that long. It's one of those things that becomes a part of your routine and it's just always there.

He loves swimming. LOVES swimming. He learned to swim independently in this class about the 3rd or 4th semester into it. It is set up like a lab for a Kinesiology class. You need to have some sort of disability to be enrolled. It can be physical or otherwise. You get a college student all to yourself. As with any time you are dealing with, ya know, people. That can be a good or a bad thing. If you get a student who is scared out of their mind to be in a pool once a week with a child with a disability, or worse yet, just doesn't want to be there. It might not work out. If you get a student who cannot, cannot stop talking continuously and doesn't know when to back off it may not go well. Or you can get the match made in heaven and have a blissful semester. You never know. But one thing is for sure. Either way both parties, Daniel and his MSU student, will learn a lot.

Each semester I get a bit nervous about who we will "get". Each time we fill out an information sheet to give the new coach "need to know" information. My biggest need to know is always. DON'T TALK TOO MUCH. Stay on point. The language overwhelms him and he'll get frustrated not understanding you. He appears to understand and doesn't always. For people who chit chat all the time, this can be hard. And since the switch to girls being his coaches, this has been more of a challenge. Please don't complain to me that that is sexist. I have done my own personal study over six years and girls talk more. It's a fact. And since he has learned to independently navigate the locker room, he has been getting girls assigned to him.

The MSU students are supposed to call you ahead of time and ask questions and introduce themselves. This is something that the girls excel at compared to the guys. Most guys have completely ignored this part of the procedure. They seem to have some sort of aversion to the phone. Maybe college guys just don't call people?! That would explain a lot. But I digress. Our "girl" this semester is Nikki. She called on Tuesday to say hi. Sweet girl. Really sweet. But as soon as she said "hi". I cringed. She has a really high squeaky voice. Voices can really get under Daniel's skin. We chatted. She seemed good. She's a senior, graduating in May. Kinesiology major. It's all good. She asked if she should call Daniel directly. We've been working on phone skills, so I said ok, call back at 5:00. Which she did. Put another mark in the positive column under "does what she says she'll do". I also wanted to see if Daniel would go right through the ceiling talking to her. He did not. That was good. But I was still worried.

I had thought about it, for a few days, then on Thursday, which is Daniel's swim day, I said to my husband. "I'm really worried about this, I hope her voice doesn't irritate him". Then something I thought I'd never say, "I really hope she's a cute girl, then it won't matter." Which sounds awful right? But truth be told, he is in puberty. Last semester his coach was perfectly "nice" (and you know what that means when you're described as nice), but one day she couldn't swim and a different girl took over who was gorgeous. I've never seen him so excited! It was way too funny. It took me by surprise at the time. But on hour in the pool with a gorgeous college student, he thought he'd struck gold!

Thursday came, we went to swimming. When we walked in the professor had her list, saw Daniel and called out for Nikki. She stepped forward and said "hi Daniel nice to meet you!" Daniel YELLED out very enthusiastically, "Hi Nikki I'm so excited to swim with you!" Yup, she's a cutie. Thank goodness!

He spent the hour singing, playing, doing laps, by the end, he was touching her arm and giggling. Hmmm. Looks like we need to have some conversations this semester?

Christmas Before Night The Twas

Periodically I have been testing this talking backwards "skill" that I referred to in a December post titled Secret Abilities. So far Daniel is at 100% accuracy. The latest examples are, the other night he was reading "Twas the Night Before Christmas". When he finished he put it back on his bookshelf, (I'm assuming between the exact two books that it was in between before) brushed his teeth and finished his exact routine that he does every single day of his life.

When he returned to his room I said the opening to the book up until "not even a mouse". (This happens to be a book that at about age 3 I used to recite. . . who says genetics aren't at play here?) I then said, "Daniel, can you do that backwards?" He then repeated the whole paragraph backwards like it was no problem at all.

I relayed this to my husband last night who was insisting that it would only be with certain books or poems he has read millions of times and could see visually then "simply read backwards". I am insisting that even if you could see it, it is still really difficult to read it backwards. This of course sparked a debate, even though we were close to saying the exact same thing. This, in my house, is not unusual. His room mates in college called us "the Bickersons". It's not really an argument, but we are both pretty sure we are ALWAYS right. I have no idea how this has turned into almost 20 years of successful marriage.

So to prove me wrong, of course, he went to Daniel's room and read a passage from the book "Curious George Flies a Kite". Daniel had just been reading it (I think). Todd then asked him to say it backwards. With which Daniel complied. Just to be pesky Todd said, "that was great, but you forgot two words". Then, much to Todd's amazement, Daniel went back, and corrected the spot where he had left off two words.

Pause for effect

This was not a book that my husband thought Daniel would be able to show this skill. So now we are wondering if it's basically anything he has seen, maybe even heard. Any thoughts internet? And Todd, if you read this, please don't point out to me what I got wrong in this story. I will just insist that my version is the correct one. Don't waste our time, we'll both insist we are in the right.

(By the way, just putting that title in I had to keep saying the phrase over and over to type each word, this is apparently not a gift that I have.)

A Taste of Success

Math. This word can bring smiles to parents of kids on the spectrum, or it can make you cringe. Math doesn't seem to come easy to Daniel, but it is one of two subjects in school that he does not do modified versions of the curriculum. For those of you who aren't familiar, there is accommodated and modified curriculum's. Accommodated means that they are learning the same concepts, and basically doing the same work. There are just some adjustments to help due to their disability. It could be things like getting more time during a test or a few extra days before taking the test. It may be doing half of the number of problems. Things like that. Modified means that they are not doing the same work. Something about the curriculum's requirements are not being met.

For Daniel, writing, social studies, reading, and science are all modified now. Social studies was the first to go. It is too heavily language based for him. Then came, the rest one after another. This started in about 4th grade. He still does spelling, technology (shocking!) and math as accommodated. He is very strong in spelling. Always has been. He constantly asks me how to spell things and it drives me crazy because he KNOWS how to spell it, he just wants ME to spell it. Why, I do not know. He loves the way that letters sound and as I've mentioned he loves letters. I just think he enjoys hearing words spelled out. He'll look at you with anticipation waiting for the letters to spill off of your tongue. If I'm being a good sport, I'll spell it. If I'm not I'll say, "you spell it". Either way. It will get spelled!

But, math. Math has been a lot of work. He learned touch math in elementary school. I would say it wasn't until about 3rd grade that he really started even doing this sort of work. Before then it was all behavior issues. Let's just say he had some catching up to do. We work our tails off for math. It really depends on the unit on how much he learns.

This year is 6th grade. The math that they do was not long ago, 7th grade work. It all gets pushed down further and further. Most of his tests this year have scored in the high 50% range. While that seems low, his wonderful wonderful teachers continue to say, "He's learning more than 50% of the work!!". How's THAT for a positive attitude? They are gems, for certain. My feeling is that he is probably learning even more than that because test taking is not something I would rank very high on his list of achievements. His two report card marking periods thus far have him passing once you put in all of his homework etc. Last year this was really difficult for me. That was the year that "real grades" started in our district. For a perfectionist like myself seeing a D on a report card is a bit jarring. I have, like usual, gotten over it. You just HAVE to. (If you want to keep your sanity that is) I am actually starting to believe the, "look how much he's learning" mantra. I don't know if this sounds like a "bad mom" but I am surprised at how much he HAS learned. I wouldn't have thought it possible.

Now if you've been reading me long enough you have to know that something "happened" right?? Well it did. Last week he had his latest math test. The unit was adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing fractions. It even included algebra of solving equations, with fractions. Guess what he got on the test. Go ahead. A friggin' 91%!!!!!! Can you believe that? I knew he knew this stuff, but 91%? I've felt equally as confident before only to see a 60%. It's amazing. I'm so happy for him! OK, I'm happy for me too. I'm the "math" person in our house. Which in and of itself is funny, because my husband is an engineer. I'm no slouch with math, but he's an engineer. I am just a bit better at breaking it down for Daniel's understanding. I have to admit to you, my dear internet, that the first thing I thought when I saw that score was, "YES! This will help pull up his grade for the whole marking period!" So, maybe, I haven't moved on TOTALLY from dealing with the low grades. I'm entirely proud of all he does achieve and learn. No matter what. I mean that 100%. But oh, it was a sweet sweet moment to see what he had achieved.