In My Dreams

In my family there is always a lot of talk about dreams. My Aunt often recounts her dreams step by step in her daily email to all of us. I have dreams that help me figure out what is puzzling me or help me find something that is lost. All in all I think dreams are a fascinating way into people's heads.

Every night that Daniel is going to bed we say the same thing.

me- Daniel, I love you so so so so so so so so so so much.

Daniel- how many so's do you have mom??

me- many many many many (etc) so's. I love you sweetheart

Daniel- I love you too mom.

me- Good night Daniel

Daniel- Good night mom, tonight I'll dream about . . .

fill in the blank. It changes. I always wonder what are in Daniel's dreams. Does he organize his DVD's just so? Does he make sure his dresser items are in their exact place? Does he have flawless conversations with people with no struggle? Does he ride his bike freely whenever he wants? Does he really dream about what he says he's going to?

Yesterday would have been my beloved Uncles birthday. For those of you who read this blog often I had several blogs devoted to him. It was the first May 13th ever without him here in my life. (ok I'm crying again) Last night I mentioned to Daniel that if Uncle Tom was still alive it would be his birthday today. I thought the wording on that may confuse him, and it did. He replied, "Uncle Tom's alive?" I said, "no he isn't Daniel but when he was alive May 13 was his birthday". He looked me right in the eye. Sometimes the moments of clarity he delivers take my breath away. This was one of those times. He said, "Uncle Tom IS alive, in my dreams." Amen Daniel. We miss you Uncle Tom. It is also the anniversary of my mother's death an unbelievable 16 years ago. I was about to say she has missed so much, but I really think she hasn't. That she has been by my side the whole time, seeing all of the wonderful times, and the hard times. It is all of us who have missed out on these past years.