An Exclamation Point!

We are in the first week of summer vacation. This is always a very tough week for Daniel and I BOTH. He is transitioning to a completely different schedule (or lack thereof) and well, so am I. We'll start with me. I just went from exercising for myself almost daily with friends, to... not. I went from working and going into an office when I chose to, to... not. I went from quiet most of the day to....not. I now have to adjust to the constant chatter of Daniel and to Zachary wondering "what's next". I get sensory overloaded. I never used to know what that meant, but life with an autistic child has given me great incite to myself. I need the quiet. Lots of parents are going through the same thing I realize but don't have the label for it. It takes me a few weeks to not want to scream at everyone to stop talking. I said "want", I don't actually do it. As the non autistic person in this story, I have the strength (most of the time) to "keep it in my head".

Daniel struggles. I remember the days when it would take a good 3 weeks until he'd transition to the summer schedule. Just when I'd think I couldn't take it, he'd settle in. That time frame has shortened, but the days he struggles, he really struggles. We spent Monday and Tuesday this week with Daniel yelling for a minimum of 2 hours. Slamming doors. Just being angry. When I very very nicely gave him suggestions of things we could do together or he could do on his own. He yelled "I CAN'T TELL YOU TO SHUT UP"....well, I thought, I think you just did....

The weather was sketchy. When school went away, so did the sun. It was bordering on chilly and the sky was threatening rain. The pool was out. I have one child that you have to fight with to get him to do anything and another who spends 4 hours at a basketball camp and then wants to know what's next? Opposites. It's hard for me to balance. I always figure it out. But for some reason it always takes me a while.

Yesterday, Daniel, told me "I won't be angry today" and it was actually much much better. I don't know which came first, if he made a conscious effort to not be angry or if it was his way of telling me he was feeling a bit better. Either way. It made me happy and more importantly,he seemed to feel a less stressed.

This morning I saw a missed text from my neighbor. Her boys are Daniel's age and twins. They walked home with Daniel this year and have been pretty inclusive with Daniel. They are used to him and Daniel's constant scripting. The Sesame Street talk doesn't seem to faze them. In fact they have reported an amazement of Daniel's vast knowledge of every single character. Their mom called to tell me that the boys were having some kids over tonight to sit around the new fire pit, roast marshmallows, make s'mores and "hang out" with about 9 kids. They wanted to invite Daniel. There would be loud music, but they didn't think that would be a big deal, as they've seen him at the "activity nights" at school and at another neighbors garage dance party. He's good with it. The concern seemed to be it might be a long time for Daniel. The mom wanted to make sure Daniel was good around fire. He is. He LOVES a fire. It is very calming for him. In fact we converted our wood burning fireplace to gas this year so we could turn it on at will. He loves it.

The only other concern of the boys is that neither their mom nor myself be anywhere around them. They know I'm always lurking around in these situations. I have agreed to stay away. The only other concern is it will be a long evening, but they live across the street, I am pretty sure when he's "done" whether it's an hour or two, he will be thrilled to be included and the time will be well spent. I gave the thumbs up to mom, and she said she'd have one of the boys text Daniel an invite, since that's how everyone was invited. . . Yes you heard me. During my absence from blogging Daniel got a cell phone. The time had come. With him getting more independence I felt better that he could contact me if he needed to. I also wonder if he can connect to some of his peers this way. Let's face it a one sentence text with time to process the information has to be easier for Daniel than a face to face conversation. It's worth a try.

I went back to making my breakfast and sort of forgot about what was going on. I didn't expect a teenage boy to even be up at that hour, let alone to text Daniel quickly. As I was eating my eggs, Daniel came bursting through the door from the basement. He said very excitedly, and slightly out of breath, "I have to get dressed!!" I was somewhat confused, but noticed him clutching his cell phone in his hand. I asked him why he needed to get dressed and he just held out his phone to me. I asked if he had received a text and he said "yes". I took the phone and read it. It said, "Hey Daniel, this is _________ and I was wondering if you would like to come over at 7:30 for some s'mores and brownies" (they SO have Daniel figured out!)

I explained that it was at 7:30 tonight, and he was in fact, not late. He relaxed a bit and said to me "I want to go". I told him he should text him back and let him know. Daniel took his phone and typed out "I would like to come over tonight thank you" Then he looked up at me and very sweetly asked, "how do I put exclamation points on this?" I think that I melted. Right then and there. He wanted to express his excitement. I could tell he was excited, but I don't think many other people would have figured that out from how he looked. But in that one sentence, he wanted to show his enthusiasm. With an exclamation point. How. Cool. I showed him how to do it, and he sent it off. He was out on the trampoline later, while I was weeding. He said "I'm so happy I feel like dancing". His funk is gone. His anger has dissipated. With the invitation from two boys who thought to include him. They flipped his switch as we like to say. I'm sure they have no idea how much it meant to him. But for us, it was !

There's an Elephant in my Living Room!

I was going to start by saying "with autism", but I'm changing that to "with Daniel". Autism is certainly not all of who he is. It does explain some of his well, um, quirks? That's such an understatement, but I'm sticking with it.

Anyway, "with Daniel" he kind of goes along evenly and then makes a huge jump developmentally. I see Zachary as maybe, everyday, he develops a little here, a little there. So it is almost, almost, indecipherable if you are around him every day. With Daniel it's same same same same same then WHAM, some huge change cosmic shift occurs. I think we are in the middle of a shift. And let me tell ya, it feels GOOD.

Starting Sunday, (it's usually so big I can tell you the time) Daniel and Zachary have PLAYED together every single day. I mentioned the fort regarding the I Spy book. That was the first day. Then while Zachary was at basketball practice. Daniel practiced his baritone. Zach got home and got a dessert. Daniel was sort of hanging around him, which is unusual. Then he says, (totally unprompted) "Zachary, when you are finished with that, do you want to play hide and seek?"

Zachary's neck snapped around to look at me so fast, he smiled a little and said, "sure".

And I'll be damned they played hide and seek. I suggested they lay out ground rules of where they can hide as in the basement and main floor, not upstairs. They did. Daniel even made a suggestion. Zachary hid first, Daniel looked, I joined in the looking a bit, because Daniel just doesn't really look very well, and Zachary is awesome at hiding! He's like that guy who could fold himself up into a little box, see reference photo!

They went back and forth. I whispered to Zach to let Daniel think he couldn't see him for a bit, because he is the antithesis of a good hider. It's like trying to hide an elephant in your living room. They had FUN. Then Daniel suggested tag. "Tag?" said Zachary. "How are we going to do that?"

Then Daniel just starts chasing him, and laughing. He's not chasing him to scream at him or to get under my skin. They are laughing and having fun. Weird. Then, they went in the fort, again. Now these things may have happened here and there. But three days in a row, with Daniel initiating the play and suggesting what they do? That is new. And the best part is they are both having fun! Zachary would do anything in the world for Daniel and the fact that Daniel is seeking him out is pleasing him to no end.

Tonight Zachary was at guitar. I was loading the dishwasher and washing up the knives and a few pans etc. Daniel said, "I'm going to watch you wash the dishes". Then proceeded to chat with me the whole time? Just hung out and pleasantly chatted. Weird. Weird in a wonderful way. Weird, like, where did this come from? You NEVER do this.

As I said, he doesn't slightly move into anything, he's either there or he isn't and when he is there, you certainly know it. Kind of like an elephant in your living room.