Look, It has a Handle!

Yesterday was a very exciting day for Daniel. A large package was waiting for him when he arrived home from school. He has been eagerly anticipating it for several months now. He was one happy child and honestly, it is partially because of this blog!

I had written about Christmas and the VTech Little Smart Alphabet Picture Desk he so coveted a few times. Several days after Christmas he had finally found the words to tell me that Santa had brought the WRONG one. Since that time I had been scanning the internet sites looking for the "right" one with little luck. I had found one, but the guy selling it had a TERRIBLE seller rating and a few comments from angry buyers looking for their product. I thought that was probably a disaster waiting to happen, so I didn't bid on it. The only thing worse than the wrong one, is paying for it and it never arriving! So I played it safe and kept looking. I couldn't find it. Every few days Daniel would ask about it and say in his sweet voice, "but I really want that". It might sound demanding here, but he says it with such love and longing and really, he almost never asks for anything. When he a. finds something he loves and b. finds the words to ask and express his desire, it is almost more than I can handle, and I want to find it for him. Daniel's requests were getting less frequent as time was passing and it was slowly working itself out of my head.

Then I received an email from a reader. She is also a friend of mine who lives here in East Lansing. She has been very supportive of my blog and of my family. Her daughter and my youngest son, Zachary, are the same age. She sent me a very nice email about my blog then had a link at the bottom saying, "you've probably seen this, but is this it?" I clicked on it, and it LOOKED right to me, but I've been down this road before, and I was wrong. So I decided that before moving forward I would wait and show it to Daniel. After school that day I showed him the link and his little eyes lit up and he said, "let's get it". I tried to explain that it was on E-Bay and you have to "bid" on it and there is a possibility that we might not win. There was something like 5 days left on it, but I put in the first bid and let it sit. Zachary, being ever so helpful, said he was SURE we'd win because who else in the world would want that? I told him he may be surprised, because it is amazing what people want out there, and if we wanted it, why wouldn't someone else in the world? He was doubtful.

When Sunday rolled around I remembered that it was the final day. All day I kept telling myself DON'T FORGET TO WATCH EBAY, DON'T FORGET TO WATCH EBAY. I'm not very good at that sort of thing and I've been known to let the deadlines slip by unnoticed. I hadn't mentioned it again to Daniel, for fear of losing. When I checked back, two other people had bid on it. There was going to be a war....I knew it. I waited until just before to up my maximum bid. I talked to my husband about what exactly were we willing to pay for this thing? I was starting to feel anxious and just wanted to win, which is of course why E Bay is so wildly popular. Obsessive people like myself get carried away and pay way more for something than they should. It makes the seller happy and everyone is a winner...sort of. The only good news to me is that both of the bidders were amateurs like myself. You can see how many items people have bought, so I sort of figured they wouldn't have one of those programs that outbids me at the last possible second. Which has happened to me, by the way.

Anyway, we won! Now I just was hoping it would arrive and WORK. As I mentioned, it did arrive, yesterday, with batteries included. I waited to open the box until Daniel was there to do it with me. It came out of those Styrofoam peanuts and I swear you could hear the angels singing! He said, "oh there it is! It's the right one!" He sat down and started playing with it. Ignoring his usual after school rituals. He hadn't moved one foot from the spot where we opened it. I suggested he get his snack, because if he doesn't eat he gets super crabby. Zachary and I were playing Rummikub in the kitchen and Daniel, instead of bringing the toy with him to the kitchen, was getting his Saltines out (10 of them exactly, not broken in any way please!) and his Poptart (I know, terrible) and he kept sprinting back into the family room to hit a button when it would start playing. Back and forth, not wanting to miss a thing. It was so adorable! He was IN.HIS.GLORY. It was wonderful.

Eventually my husband came home from work. Daniel was still playing. He showed it to Todd and said "Look it has a handle" as if that was the most important thing ever, it implied portability, I'm sure. It was finally Christmas morning in the Sneathen house, as far as Daniel was concerned. Thanks Michele (I am not talking to myself in the 3rd person, that's who sent me the link :) You are an incredible friend!

Seriously? How happy is he? How cute is he? Notice the box right behind him. That is how far he made it. This falls under the category of "better late than never". Merry Christmas?

Top Ten for 2010

Holy cow! I haven't written a blog since December 12! How can that be? December is one of those months that is for sure. We had a pretty low key Christmas here. I didn't go crazy this year for once but everyone, mostly, came out happy.

Daniel has taken a big jump, language wise, and we are overjoyed every day about it. I decided as a summary for the last several weeks to give a count down of what we have been up too. Sort of a shout out to the new year countdown and a few things I'm thankful for.

10. December is finished. Besides the obvious holidays December included TWO count them two full moons. In our house that means very heightened yelling and uncontrolled emotions. The thing that is frustrating for Daniel is he has no idea why he is feeling so completely uncontrolled and out of sorts. It's frustrating for everyone. He really scared Zachary on this last one and didn't hurt him physically, although he "poked his foot" hard and pulled up from an all on attack at the last second. Since Daniel now has 100 pounds and considerable size on Zach, it is easy to understand how this scared him. On the way to Daniel's time out, he scratched Todd. I, as usual, was left unscathed. He definitely is particular about who he goes after....this is going under the category of, "thank goodness that's done".

9. My dad came over for his usual Christmas Eve overnight. My boys really really look forward to this. I made a lovely dinner (Rosemary pork tenderloin at Zachary's request). I knew Daniel wouldn't eat the main part of the dinner but would consume all of the "sides", the roasted potatoes and squash as well as his "salad". (Which is just plain romaine lettuce, but hey, he eats it and it's the healthiest part of a salad.) He had frozen waffles instead of a perfectly prepared (if I do say so myself) tenderloin that melted in your mouth. At dinner Daniel made the announcement that, "I HATE PORK". I did mention to him that no he really doesn't hate pork because he eats bacon at every single breakfast of his entire life...He either didn't believe me that bacon is pork or he doesn't care, because he just repeated that he hates it, with feeling. Teenager.

8. On Christmas morning a very groggy husband got up at 6:30 am with Zachary after mutually agreeing the night before that that was the earliest he could arise. Zachary had been awake until at least 12:30 the night before too excited to sleep. That left Todd and I up until 2:00 am wrapping presents and getting things "ready". Daniel got up about 8:30. He is more of a teenager every day.

7. Later that day in Grand Rapids at the grandparents, Daniel was opening a gift from his aunt and uncle. It was a Wii game "Carnival games". He very enthusiastically said, "Look ANOTHER Carnival Games!" He wasn't rude or anything, he seemed quite thrilled, but clearly stated, we already owned it. It was rather humorous.

6. Several days after Christmas I asked Daniel if he got everything he wanted this year. He replied, "I STILL want the Vtech Little Smart Alphabet Picture Desk." I said, "you got that from Santa." He said, "no, it should have the LCD screen and two pictures for every letter." Oh no. I got the wrong one. It took him two days but he found the words to explain it to me. He then began perseverating about it. I, of course, could only find one in an auction and the comments on the auction were all what a terrible seller this guy is and people had never received the items they ordered after paying. I can't buy from him! My first thought was why wasn't Daniel that specific when he asked for the VTech Little Smart Alphabet Picture Desk for Christmas? My second thought was WOW. Amazing job verbalizing that! He could never have done that, even a few months ago. My next thought was DOH!!! Damn, I screwed up the thing he wanted most of all! Still searching....

the correct but not yet acquired toy...

5. Even though it wasn't on his list I found a great gift for Daniel, Disney's Pixar Short Films. He absolutely loves it. It may be one of his favorite gifts and it is a bonus because it was a total surprise. It features "shorts" from the geniuses at Pixar. Some of our favorites, are "For the Birds", "Mikes New Car" and "Luxo Junior".

4. On December 30 we had several families from our neighborhood to our house to celebrate the holidays and to see one of the families who left us to move to Florida this summer. It ended up being about 35 people for dinner. Yes, you heard me. (now you are understanding why I haven't been blogging). I made the entrees and people brought sides. It turned out wonderful. Daniel came down to see people and noticed that Lily, the oldest of one of the families, and is one of the girls who walks to the bus stop with him every day wasn't there. Later he asked my husband, "Dad, Lily wasn't here?" No. "Where was she?" Working at a basketball game at Breslin (Michigan State's facility) . "A men's or women's game". Men's. "I was sorry she wasn't here". That was an impressive string of questions for fact finding don't you think? This is what I mean by a language explosion! :)

3. New Years Eve, for the second consecutive year, we stayed at a local hotel with friends. This year we had 5 rooms in a block. The boys went swimming on two separate occasions. We brought the Wii, along with several games, including Rockband, Beatles Rockband, and Lego Rockband and rocked it out with our friends. I had talked to Daniel ahead of time about some of the traditions of NYE. Last year he didn't stay up with everyone as he was too concerned about his usual schedule. Since we get a suite this isn't a problem and he can go to bed when he wants and avoid the noise when necessary (which is 95% of the time). I talked with him extensively about the countdown (which I knew he'd like). He stayed up and came out of the bedroom early and helped all 5 families countdown to the ball dropping. He went around and hugged everyone wishing them Happy New Year. He LOVED it. Success. The next morning however we were all tired and the boys had been moved to the pull out couch in the "living room" of the suite while Todd and I were in the bedroom. At about 9:00 am Todd looked out to check on the boys. Daniel sat up and with some anger in his voice said, "are you waking us up?" Todd said "no". Daniel said "GOOD" and laid back down and went to sleep. Teenager! The amazing thing is that this is the kid who, if he woke up at 3:00 am for some reason, he was up for the day. He could never go back to sleep. The hormones are really kicking in.

2. While eating dinner last night, Daniel (as he does at virtually every meal) said to Zachary, "chew with your lips together Zachary". (He tends to smack and it makes Daniel NUTS). After a few minutes, Daniel said with a slightly sarcastic tone, "I thought we were eating with our lips together...." Is sarcasm entering my autistic teens repertoire? That seems hard to believe, but you can't ignore the evidence. I admit I laughed out loud when I heard this comment. It makes it easier to take the snide comments when you are just happy it sounds somewhat normal. Zachary responded, "ok if WE are, you need to too...." ahhh the sound of sibling bickering, I've never heard that before, it's actually music to my ears.

1. Since I'm doing numbers I'll mention that this is post number 150. When I first started this blog it was to communicate with the therapists at Daniel's school. Then they could find out what he is up too, ask him appropriate questions and help him with his language. Funny that on number 150, I'm talking about how far his language has come. It sounds like a great way to start the year to me. Happy New Year Everyone!!!! I know one thing, living with autism you know there will be highs and lows, but it will always be interesting. I can't wait to see what the year brings to us!

Wii Wish You a Merry Christmas. . .

We had a wonderful Christmas. The boys were very pleased with their gifts, Todd and I were pleased with our gifts. I felt very pleased with the gifts we gave. Even to the really tough Grandpas. Everyone was happy! We helped buy gifts for the families who needed it in our community and shopped for them. It's what the holidays are all about. AND we all stayed away from the plague. (Knock knock) It's all good. We are truly blessed and I mean that 100%.

Perhaps one of the biggest surprises this year was Todd's brother and his wife gave our family a Wii, and a controller, AND Rock Band. What a wonderful gift! We were very overwhelmed by their generosity. As expected Todd and his brother took over the Wii Christmas night and played Rock Band until they had to pry their eyelids open with toothpicks. The Rockin' continued into the next day with stops in between of Zachary getting on board and playing the guitar and the drums. The drums were frustrating at first, but he picked it up and then he REALLY started getting into it. Occasionally even Daniel would come in and do the vocals! It's amazing. This is what makes it a truly wonderful gift. It is something for the whole family. And believe it or not, the whole family is participating. This is what separates the Wii from other gaming systems. It not only brings families together but it gets your butt imprint off of the sofa at the same time! Genius.

Today we bowled. All four of us. Together. FOR THREE GAMES. That bears repeating. We bowled 3 games together as a family. We didn't spend any money (well Mark and Amy did, but there again lies the genius), everyone was laughing and having fun. Well, actually after Zachary lost a game he left for a bit but he came back on his own and tried again. It was a minor glitch. I was thrilled because Daniel was 1. happy 2. engaged with us 3. kicking everyone's butt. Yup. Daniel had a 195 in his second game. A 163, and then fell a bit to the 140's. He got a lot of splits in the last game. But he was still enjoying himself and overall he was the winner, by far. He looked at me when we were all laughing and said, "mom am I cracking you up?" (he finally understands that this does not mean the person will crack up into small pieces and fall a part, literally. For years he would get upset when people would say that!) So thanks Uncle Mark and Aunt Amy, not only for your generosity, but for an inspiring gift that is helping Daniel play with his family. Wii wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!

Oh there it is!

Yesterday we went out for haircuts for the boys. Haircuts have had a very long standing history of being a nightmare. But in the past year or so that has leveled off and become o.k. Zachary of course has no problem. Daniel has always hated it. Let me say that the kid has more hair than any other person on the planet and it is THICK. It is like straw thick. I have seen many kids on the spectrum with this hair. No one else has this hair in our family, and since your hair can be a good determination of your health, it makes me wonder if any scientists have ever looked into this?

Anyway. I always did Daniel's haircuts here for the simple reason that it was horrible. He yelled, cried and carried on. I would put him in front of the TV on a giant sheet to catch the hair, and do my very best to cut WITH SCISSORS ONLY. This is not an easy thing. I'll admit when he was young (3 or 4) we used to hold him down and buzz him with clippers as fast as possible. It was horrible and traumatic for ALL. Apparently so traumatic that he has a terrible aversion to clippers. So I would cut it myself at home on the sheet. It usually took me over an hour with breaks and stopping and starting and crying. I would have to work myself up emotionally for weeks before I would start all of this. It was hard for me, and for him.

Eventually I felt he was ready for the big time. Kari, my wonderful wonderful stylist said bring him in here. So I did. It was rocky at first. But not terrible. She was willing to keep trying and so was I. I could just try to relax him instead of try to relax him AND be holding very sharp objects at the same time. This was way better. We kept working on it and she would talk him through it the whole time. Zachary would come to and so Daniel would see Zachary being brave. That helped. THEN Todd started going with them and all three would get their haircut at the same time. THIS was even better. I had to do nothing! That hardly ever happens!! Oh glorious glorious days.


Then Kari had to go and get married and then get pregnant. I mean really, the nerve of her?! :) Taking 12 weeks off to tend to the child she gave birth to. That really has messed up MY schedule! And over Christmas too? Goodness.

Yesterday was our second cut with the replacement. She is a very sweet girl. But she doesn't know how to talk to Daniel. I had gotten a bit complacent. I see that now. We sort of strolled in there and usually it's 15 minutes and out. Zachary's hair was cut too short for his liking last time, so we just did a "clean up" job along the back bottom and around the ears. Then Daniel's up and his hair was quite long. Like I said, he has quite a head of hair. She was commenting on it. You really have to be like a cheerleader to get him through. Always positive, rah rah rah, we are almost done. Then the replacement says. "Wow you have so much hair. This is going to take a lot longer than your brother." Daniel says, "is it going to take long?" Replacement says, "yes it's going to take longer and longer." one two three "SCREEEEEEEEEEAMMM. NO IT'S NOT GOING TO TAKE LONG!" Zachary looks at me and says,"can I go to the bathroom?" This is code for I'm dying inside and I must go and hide please. Yes, go I say. Meanwhile I try to calm down Daniel. We get through it, but he is UNHAPPY. He is his red blotchy self. The salon got mysteriously quiet. We need to GO. He was mad for 3 hours after that. Partially due to the internet going in and out, the fact that it was snowing, Christmas is almost here. Lots of reasons.

But what I realized is that this is what people don't get. Things look under control. It appears that he is dealing well with everything. And in some ways he is. But in a lot of situations those of us around him have been trained in how to get him through things. He has showed us how to help him deal with difficult situations. It is wonderful. He is able to do that. Kari had learned what he needed to get him through the haircut. The school has learned how to get him through the day. We have all learned and it helps him deal with his surroundings. When something is taken out of the equation you get to see what was lurking there under the surface and I think, Oh, there it is. I knew that autism was there waiting, threatening, looming. We've learned how to keep the monster pacified. But occasionally it comes and takes poor Daniel. It makes him sad he couldn't deal, even though he's done nothing wrong. It takes over and he can't get back. It makes me realize how volatile our little world can be. It jerks me back to full alert again. Sorry I wasn't there yesterday Daniel. Sorry you got upset. Thinking you'd be in the chair for how long? What did you think a long time was? A few days? A few hours. When she meant more than 2 minutes?

As you just said to me. You look very handsome. Let's put it behind us and enjoy our Christmas. Next time, Kari will be back and we can get back to the routine. Merry Christmas Daniel.