IEP or IWA? (I Want it ALL)

Our IEP is complete. Well, not totally because I haven't signed it. And as usual it is sitting on my desk, face down, and hasn't been looked at since I walked out of there yesterday afternoon. I never ever sign at the meeting. I'm usually feeling very overwhelmed and need to process. I have, of course, been thinking about it and discussing it with those close to me. But I haven't picked it up physically and looked at it. Avoidance? Maybe. Last year it sat for over 10 days, for those of you who don't know, after 10 days it just goes into effect whether you sign it or not. I received an email asking if I had questions or issues I needed to discuss, when in fact, I just wasn't looking at the damn thing. Such is the way it goes. Probably this time too. I'll "do it next week".

We had lengthy discussions about class scheduling for Daniel yesterday. None of that is even written in the IEP but was the focus of our meeting trying to figure out where he fits and what would benefit him the most. I don't know of anyone else who is quite like Daniel. He is a bit of an anomaly. The options are vast at the middle school, which I appreciate. They have basic classrooms, co - taught classrooms (with gen ed teachers and special ed teachers) as well as resource rooms that don't really look like what I'm used to in a resource room. Daniel is doing accommodated math, so same curriculum as his peers and is hovering around the C to C- range right now. I can't believe it. 6th grade math is really the old 7th grade math and prealgebra. He's hanging in there. For a child with his level of impairment, I find that amazing and if you'd have told me that he'd be doing that 2 years ago I'd have said you were smoking something really good. But here he is. That is why I can't compartmentalize him. There is no compartment that he fits in. On the flip side his science and social studies is modified. It is not even close to the same curriculum but core ideas are pulled out and simplified and he gets that.

The main portion of the discussion was that we had had a premeeting to discuss academics. We decided to try to throw caution to the wind and we proposed that he not even take 7th grade social studies. This seemed to be sort of a wild notion to the middle school staff, but I have blazed our own path before and I'm SURE I'll do it again. Our reasoning is this. Right now his language is so impaired that the higher level concepts in social studies are incomprehensible to him. But math is something he CAN achieve and make progress in. So why not drop social studies and give him 2 count them 2 math classes. What will help him more in the long run? Social studies or math? My answer is math. It may be something we pick up again next year. We aren't shutting the door forever. With social studies you can miss a year, with math you cannot.

One of the math classes will be the co-taught slower paced class. (there are 3 levels all the same curriculum just paced differently, this would be the slowest of the 3). The other is resource room math. We aren't sure, logistically, if it can quite happen this way , but the plan is to have him do resource math as sort of preteach to the math in the co teaching regular ed. class. He won't necessarily feel like he is repeating because they are in different rooms and would be presented a bit different, so it wouldn't be like sitting in the same room twice in a row. We'll see how it goes.

English Language arts (ELA). Boy did I struggle with this. It ties into social studies in that, Daniel's reading level is way below his peers. His word recognition is at at 6th grade level but comprehension is now at 3rd. Last year it was at 2nd. So he has made a year of progress without any real intervention. I have always pushed for him to stay with his peers which is sort of the rub here. More on that in a minute. So we are putting him in a resource room ELA to see how he responds to more intense learning in this area. If he can respond by increasing a year without any push, what will he do if he gets the push? Time will tell.

He will have a para again. It was made clear from the get go that he needs one, desperately. When the middle school asked how much of the day he needs one the answer was the "whole day". Apparently they (the current staff) need to fill out a para pro "need" form and they are confident he would fly through the needs on this. I would think so? If they said he didn't need one, I could walk through schools and go around tapping kids on the head duck duck goose style and every single one would need a para less than Daniel. That's not the mom in me talking either. BUT he may not have one single para. There are paras that may be in the co taught math room that sort of specialize in that subject and would be with him then. It will all be so so so very different. Sometimes different is good. Sometimes it isn't. Sometimes you have to hold your breath and hope the decisions are the right ones. Sometimes you have to have faith. Sometimes you need to stand back and see what happens.

Daniel asked me for 2 things. 1. he wants to ride the bus. The last two years he has walked (with me) or I drive. We are a stones throw from our school but you have to cross the busiest road in our city (there is a pedestrian overpass, but I would never have him do it alone. He probably could but I don't feel it's safe for him) and 2. he said he "wants to be with 'his kids'" meaning his peers who he has come to love. That is where my heart is breaking a bit because the resource classes that won't be the case. And now that I think about it, they probably won't be in the slow moving math class either. So where will they be? Some will be in band. I am so torn. At one point yesterday we were discussing having two ELA classes too. One in resource and one in co taught. We then decided that they are totally different cirriculums and that didn't really make sense. So it came to a choice, which would we go with? Everyone was looking at me and said, "What do you want to do?" I had the last word. It wasn't even directed at my husband because usually he defaults to me. I am the one more involved with school and he trusts me. It was quiet and all eyes were on me. Not to be dramatic but it was one of those moments, where you are chosing a direction. I welled up with tears a bit (as I am right now) and said, "I want it all." I want him to be with his friends and I want specialized attention. I want him to be in two places at once. Unfortunately most of his friends are probably in the advanced classes, or at least the middle of the road classes. So far I've at least made myself feel like we had it all. We are successful in that one of his two requests was "to be with his kids". Isn't that a success itself? I think it is. But I want it all. I want more.

I am trying to figure out if we can have it all. If we take this year and focus, can he rejoin some of the others next year? Maybe. The resource room is like a classroom, it's not like it's one on one or even five kids. The one I looked in on probably had 15 kids in it. Could this be his chance to bond with new kids? Maybe. I don't know, and unfortunately, I won't know until we are in it. I've been assured things can change if needed. I truly feel we are a team working for his best interest. Why then am I feeling like it's not enough? Something is missing for me right now. I have to sort through it and figure out what it is. I have nine more days. . . .

Jaws

Can you hear it?? Da da, da da, dat dat dat dat. The "Jaws" music. I hear it in my head. There is something out there, looming in the distance. Waiting. As it gets closer, the music speeds up, my anxiety's rise. As usual, I look in control and calm. But I can feel it getting closer to me. It's Daniel's transition to, gulp, middle school. Yup. Next year is 7th grade. In our district the 7th and 8th graders are all together. There is only one middle school and they are all there. And I'll be sending Daniel there. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

We already know he'll have a different para pro. I'm not even sure how that will look. The Special Ed Director has hinted things might be "different". (Note to self, I need to call her). My transition IEP is set for March 25. I have set up a special tour at the middle school for my husband and I. There is a day that is set up for a tour for all parents, but it's after our IEP. I already sent the email requesting a special tour. I have even gotten a response! I need a "visual" to be able to have intelligent conversation for my IEP. While on the tour we will be able to chat with the resource teacher.


I'm getting ready. I'm planning. I'm thinking about what he'll need, constantly. I need to start making a list. I can feel it closing in on me. Da da, da da. . . Right now I'm safe in a boat rocking softly in the water out in the middle of the vast ocean. I just hope that giant shark doesn't jump out of the water and pull me in.

Team Daniel

Don't you love it? It sounds so positive and upbeat! A few years ago Daniel's resource room teacher at his old school started calling our monthly meetings Team Daniel meetings. The team is the rather large group of people who get together to basically, get Daniel through his education. A long time ago I requested that we have monthly meetings to keep in touch. This is written in my IEP. I found that while a lot of these people were in the same building, getting together for 30-40 minutes once a month helped keep everyone on the same page and we could share strategies with each other. I'm sure the school district isn't thrilled with the fact that we request these meetings, but I've never had any complaints. . . to my face anyway! Our team consists of my husband Todd and I, the resource room teacher, the general ed teachers, para pro, speech teacher, AI (autistic impaired)consultant and social worker. (it used to be OT also, but he "graduated" from her last year) Depending on what's going on the principal may be there, or a "specials"teacher like art or music. I find the meetings to be very helpful. They keep me updated. We can make decisions about where Daniel's education is headed. It's all good right? Well most of the time.

There have been times when I've left these meetings feeling very frustrated. Times like when I get the feeling that the majority of the people there don't understand Daniel at all. This is how I felt most of last year. I just never felt that anyone could understand his learning style. Or that they could figure out how to retrieve that information he has hidden under lock and key in that head of his. I don't know if it's true but I always had that "feeling". If you are the parent of a child with special needs you know that feeling. The one when people look at you with the sad smile one their faces and they are thinking, "she just doesn't understand his disability, she wants too much" maybe even, "she's in denial". Whatever. I know different. I know that we push. We don't push to frustration, but we push because Daniel always always seems to rise to the occasion. It never fails to surprise me. As soon as you get together to talk about a problem he seems to solve it himself. It's like he's messing with you!

Yesterday we had our first meeting of the year. We gave ourselves some time for the new teachers to get to know him and see where he is academically. Now I need to say this. . . he has AMAZING general ed teachers this year. They are general ed, yet they understand autism. They have had lots of training. It's unbelievable. I am so going to be spoiled after this year. Most of what we have been talking about is academic for him. He sort of floats on the edge of everything. He learns, but slowly. It's all just catching up with us. He is in 6th grade now. The work comes hard and fast. He learns at school and we have to sit through all of his homework and reteach a lot of it to him. We have to "model" some things. Especially writing. But we have been fighting switching to modified work. Modified means the child is not meeting all expectations of the curriculum. They will not learn all of the points laid out that a 6th grader (or whatever) has to meet. Accommodated means they are learning the same things, just in a different way. It may be presented differently, they may be given more time, have someone write the answers the child gives them. Lots of things. Social Studies went to modified in 4th grade. The higher level thinking that is required, he hasn't been able to do. The vocab is tough. He has significant speech and language impairment. I gave up beating my head against the wall in social studies a long time ago. It's not that he doesn't do it. He does, on a level he can do. Some of it is modeled. Meaning we show him how to do it. He learns from that too. He takes in a lot.

Spelling is accommodated. He is a great speller. It's sort of amazing. He loves words. Always has. Writing was modified last year. Then there is math. Math has been the great divide. We got through last year with it being accommodated. But all year, as they sped up and sped up and the grades started dropping, I knew it was slipping away. Oh, I put up a great fight, but I knew it was gone. We have been trying to keep him on the graduation path. It may be unrealistic, but who knows. He tends to surprise everyone like I said.

So back to our first team Daniel. I finally let it go. We all agreed. He IS learning the math. He just needs more time with each unit. Maybe twice as much time. That's an accommodation. But if you do it on each unit you'll never get through all of the curriculum. It's tough. Todd and I decided that we would rather he learn all of half of it, not none of all of it. Understand? If we keep working on a unit and he really learns it. He'll learn it forever. That's how he is. It is something I've been fighting but I could see the writing on the wall. It was time. It was out of his grasp. So everyone else is moving on and he is reviewing the new information he's been working on the past few weeks. And you know what? He's doing it on his own. Independent (that's a big buzz word) He's confident, he's proud. And I have to say. I'm sort of relieved. I thought I'd be upset that we had to let that go. But I'm not. I will keep on things and make sure he is always learning up to his highest potential. Team Daniel all agreed.

The teachers commented on how productive our 30 minute meeting was (we also agreed on how to go about his new English Language Arts lesson). It's amazing that when you are comfortable with the people you are working with, when you are confident in their understanding of your child's abilities how much you can let go and how high you can soar.