Progress with Fears

Fears. Everyone has them. But for some reason it is the thing taking center stage for us right now. I don't know if we make that happen or it somehow evolves on it's own. However it comes to be, it is here and the problem set forth is in front of me to "solve". It's what I do. Something is presented and I spend all my time thinking about it and trying new things and working it out. Usually, I actually get it done. Think about the bike riding, the baritone etc. It doesn't happen over night, but I WILL make it happen. Maybe it's a good thing I am so stubborn? Maybe it is what I was meant to do all along? It doesn't really matter, because it's what I'm doing now.

Sometimes with Daniel's group therapy they get homework. The week before Memorial Day they got a homework sheet about being afraid. I talked about this in my Belle Tire Cares post. I thought that was funny, not funny ha ha, but funny in that strange 'look how the universe works' way. This past Monday we turned in his homework and this is what it looked like:

I don't know if you can see it. But the top picture is the bee he drew which is too cute for words. The bottom is the gazebo we built as the way to solve our problem. The interesting thing is when I took out this homework to work on, he got very upset, hands over ears yelling no no no. I said "Daniel we'll just talk about bees" (I knew he was afraid I'd bring up Belle Tire) then he yelled, " I don't want to talk about the Belle Tire guy". Excuse me, but that is HUGE. That is the first time those words have ever crossed his lips. Granted he was panicked, but he a. explained why and b. said the words Belle Tire guy out LOUD. I considered that a HUGE step forward. I had finally convinced him we were only talking about bees (hard to do when someone is plugging their ears the whole time) and finished the homework. I stayed true to my word, only talking about bees, which is VERY important, so they trust you. If you break that trust, forget it. It would take so long to build it up again.

At therapy, I pulled her aside to tell her what happened and, GET THIS, she had a kid on the spectrum before who's greatest fear was Belle Tire! I couldn't believe it. She has actually dealt with this before! After I explained it, they went into the group. Daniel shared his bee page during group. No one else did their homework except us (typical) so they all talked for a bit about if they are also afraid of bees. Then that tricky therapist said, "does anyone else have a fear of something else? Maybe something you might see on T.V.?" She said that Daniel's hands flew up to his ears and he said he didn't want to talk about it and excused himself to go to the restroom! I think that is HUGE progress. Maybe I'm easy? or delusional? but I actually think we are getting somewhere. Baby steps. He seems to be dealing with it a tiny bit better. He's still panicked, plugging his ears and refusing to come into the room if the TV is on an unapproved channel, but I'll take what I can get and keep pushing along, slowly but surely. But I feel like the surface has been cracked. Just what I needed. Something to keep me pushing through. Ahhhh progress.

The Secret Lives of Bees

Spring, the refreshing renewal of trees, grasses and flowers. The joy of watching everything turn green after a long cold grey winter. We look forward to it in our house as soon as fall is fading into winter. Especially Daniel and I. We like summer. And while most people like summer, I like summer so much because I find almost no redeeming quality about winter. So when the weather warms up, Daniel starts to spend more and more time outside. He has free reign about going in and out. He's never been "a runner". He knows his boundaries and sticks too them. For this we are extremely blessed. He won't leave our property. But goes in and out of the house sitting on the porch singing, or on the trampoline or swing set. It's very relaxing. Until IT starts. IT is the bees and mosquitoes. . . and boy are they back in town.


I find it amazing how my selective memory seems to work. I can't remember if we have this problem every year and slowly we get him more comfortable with being outside with the little creatures. Or if it is a particularly bad year this year. On Memorial Day is was a gorgeous day here in E.L. and we spent most of the day out on our deck. Our deck is easily 10 degrees hotter than the air temp in the front of our house and on this day it was cooler, so the deck felt perfect. Todd's parents came over and we sat outside talking. The boys were going to eat lunch outside. But as soon as Daniel went out with his food. The bees started flying around. Bees are right up there with his other greatest fear. The Belle Tire guy which I talked about here and here. So the bees are back and with it Daniel's anxiety's have been raised one hundred fold. He was so panicked he spent that whole beautiful day inside. It broke my heart. I know how badly he wanted to come outside but he was just too scared.



We have talked many many times about putting a screened porch on the back of our house. It would solve many problems. For one, our deck gets so hot, once mid June comes you can barely be on it during the day. At night you can't because the mosquitoes get so bad. So the screened porch would really solve both of these problems. My friend and neighbor is having one built as I write this. I am having major porch envy. Last weekend I was at another friends for a BBQ and they have one too. Envy. It just isn't an option for us right now. We don't have the money and with other things looming (like a new roof) it's not a good time. How do we help him deal with his fear of bees? If anyone has any thoughts I'd love to hear from you.



I have tried to find out what it is that scares him, because he's never been stung. We had a talk about it, but he gets so upset at the mention of "bees" he goes right back to that place of panic. I found this segment in the book "Sensory Perceptual Issues in Autism and Aspergers". It explains that "perceptual thinkers can experience thought as a reality. It means that when they think about something, they relive it visually, auditorially, etc and emotionally." (ONeill 1999). This is why when we bring up, say, "Belle Tire" he covers his ears and starts screaming because he literally relives the scary moment over and over. It's like a nightmare version of "Ground Hog Day". Same with the night I asked him about why he is afraid of bees. Hands over hears, red blotchy face yelling and crying. I tried to calm him but I want to get to the bottom of why it upsets him. Is it the buzzing? Is it a fear of being stung? Is it the flying around unpredictably? He did get out that it was the buzzing and flying around. I don't like those really loud buzzers either and from a kid who when he was 4 and our magnolia tree was FULL of butterflies, literally hundreds of them all at one time, that "the butterfly wings are too loud" when I asked him to come look with me. Yup. butterfly wings are too loud. Now I think this shows the intensity in which he deals with these sensory issues.

My distress of poor Daniel taking shelter in our house after waiting months for warm weather sent me out for an option instead of adding a $10,000 + addition onto our house. As you know I love a good research project. The next day I made a fairly impulsive buy. Here it is.

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Daniel is SO excited about this gazebo as is everyone else. He says he can now "eat on the deck safe and sound, away from bees and mosquitoes". We'll still work on helping him manage his fear, but in the mean time, I think we have found a temporary solution to give us some more quality family time. By the way. This gazebo was purchased from Target, on sale for $193.00. And, no, I'm not getting any compensation for pointing this out (I wish), I'm just trying to pass along helpful information. While I don't generally enjoy dropping $200 I think it was a good deal. In my opinion it's attractive (ours doesn't look quite as good as the Target add with their fancy furniture etc. but it is useful, and not so drastic as adding onto our house. All in all it's a good solution.