An (In)Ordinary Summer Day

Happy July!  The summer is flying by like it always does! I feel like we are in our routine. We are continuing with swimming club and started the second session. The days of summer are feeling like our ordinary day.

We'll be missing a week of swimming as we head back "up north" for a week, but I am compensating by Daniel swimming 4 days for the three weeks he is swimming instead of 3 days a week.  He was VERY unhappy with me about this, but is doing it.  I believe I heard him muttering something about "dumb" under his breath which I pretended to NOT hear.  This has been happening more and more and it is very difficult for me not to smile as he is basically calling me dumb or stupid (which in his vocabulary is a VERY bad word to say, the worst he has in his repertoire).  The reason it makes me happy is because it is NORMAL for a teenager to think their parents are stupid!  Only the parent of a special needs child is thrilled to see their kids cheat at a game the first time or call us stupid.   It's PROGRESS!!!  Normally I'll act offended and tell him that is NOT OK and make him apologize all while thinking "hurray"!!  I have to stick to the script! 

Yesterday Daniel went to swimming, Zach is in Jr. Lifeguard and loving it.  What else is better for a 100% rule follower than Jr Lifeguard?  He gets to blow a whistle at people and tell them to follow the RULES!  And people have to listen.  Plus he gets to swim, and learn to save people.  That all has little brother Zach written all OVER it.  He is still wearing his whistle, 3 hours after class.  Oh boy.  He did tell me that he can work at the pool when he is 14, in two years.  Not as a lifeguard, but doing other things.  I think you have to be 16 to lifeguard and be certified etc.  Of course he will be by then. He is formulating his plan.  I love that kid.

In the afternoon we were lucky enough to get in for haircuts, which were desperately needed.  Haircuts used to be so traumatic for all of us.  Daniel would cry and scream and fight.  I would do it at home and it would take hours.  Sometimes Todd would hold him down and we'd buzz him.  It was awful.  But he also HATED his hair long, he didn't like when it would blow in the wind almost like it hurt his scalp.  Damned if you do, damned if you don't.  I don't remember how old he was when my friend and hairdresser Kari suggested she try.  She was magical with him.  It wasn't perfect in the beginning, but over time he trusted her, and she even got to where she uses the clippers to clean up the bottom and sides.  Now I get to go in and watch him chat with her, script his haircutting script from Elmo's World and it is so easy.  I never thought it would be easy.  She was a savior.  Shhhh, don't tell her, but I'd pay her A LOT more money than I do, just so I don't have to do it! 

On the way out of haircuts I took a different route because we were meeting my husband for dinner.  A few blocks from the salon I remembered this route took us past the new Belle Tire store.  I have many links to the nightmare that this little logo has brought to us.  We were driving along and Daniel said, "when we get to the store of the tire guy, I will duck my head and close my eyes and smile" (a reference to the Veggie Tales song "God is Bigger than the Boogie man")  I froze.  He has never referred to this without being in a panic or covering his ears.  He just said it like he was talking about ice cream.  From the backseat Zach said "WHAT did you just say?" hardly believing it himself.  Then Daniel covered his ears.  I then launched into my speech (delivered in the most light hearted voice I could) "you don't have to be afraid, it's a LOGO Daniel.  A LOGO.  It cannot hurt you."  My same speech I've been giving for years and years.  But he is reacting less and less to it.  It is obviously working.  He said "the tire guy" without reacting.  He is avoiding him on his own.  I'm not changing my route to avoid passing the store.  It's working.  Slowly, yes.  What isn't slow with us?  But it's working.  We take and celebrate ALL progress.  This is opening his world a tiny bit more.

Then we went to Bed Bath and Beyond.  Daniel has a laundry hamper from when he was about 6.  It is in the shape of a rocket because his room was, and still is, space themed.  He went through a space phase.  Had I known then that I would NEVER be allowed to change his room, I might have done a few things differently.  Live and learn, right?  Well this laundry hamper is one huge mess.  There are wires sticking out all over and it is just destroyed.  I finally said, "that's it, we need a new one." He asked "is it tattered and worn?" (from Sesame Street, "I love Trash" song) and I said (according to script) "it is and we need a new one." He has learned to accept this.  It used to be a HUGE fight.  So we were looking for a laundry hamper and we were in the bed area on the way to the bath area. Daniel said excitedly, "LOOK A PURPLE PILLOW!".  There was a bed with a purple pillow on it that you use to sit up in bed to read or whatever.  I jokingly said, "Daniel is it time to change your room, we could use purple."  I say jokingly, because I didn't think there was a chance in hell he'd let me change his entire room!  And he said "YES, let's change my room and get rid of my rockets on the wall and paint over them!".  I almost fell over onto the floor of Bed Bath and Beyond.   He ASKED for a CHANGE in the most important place in our house to him.  a. He ASKED (in his own way) and b. he is ready for a change and somewhat communicated it to me.  So now, in the middle of summer, I am trying to design a new room for him that is masculine, and has purple and of course he wants it done now.  Not a project I was planning on, in the middle of our busy summer, but one I'm thrilled to do.  But I'm going to make thoughtful choices.  After all, he might not ever let me change it again. 

It's these little moments of progress in the middle of an ordinary day that make you feel that all of the hard work matters. It gives you a moment of celebration.  It gives you something to hold onto when things aren't going well.  It keeps us moving forward. 

Eating Out

A Diary of a Mom shared a link today that I had to pass on http://adiaryofamom.wordpress.com/2012/04/16/changing-lives/.  It really hit home for me because I hear about these run ins with ignorant people quite often.  I also have talked about that I have never ever had anyone confront my family in this way.  I have only had people say encouraging things to me.  I am not sure why I have lucked out in this way, but I have.  I'm sure some people thought about it, but have never confronted me.  I am thankful for that, because I honestly don't know what I'd do.  I don't mean I would retreat.  I think I would probably start a fight!  There is nothing worse than getting mama bear riled up!  

Part of the reason I'm sharing this is because Saturday night  my family went out to eat.  If you aren't from here, I'll try to describe this place for you.  It is called Crunchy's.  It has been in our area forever.  When I was in college I spent a LOT of time here.  Sort of like Cheers but not as nice, it's friendly, but a bit more dive like, which only lends itself to the appeal in my opinion.  Burgers, beer, pizza and lots and lots of TVs.  We haven't been going there for long because the fear of the "Belle Tire guy" had kept us away.  Now we usually don't go if the Detroit Tigers or Redwings are playing because Belle Tire is their sponsor and therefore more Belle Tire commercials.  But Saturday night we were going out to dinner...well, because we had to.  There were no options at home.  I thought Olga's was on the table and somehow Crunchy's was decided.  I knew the Tiger's were on but that was the decision.  We warned Daniel.  He has improved so much that now he just looks away and hides when the little evil guy comes on the TV so we thought we'd give it a whirl.  He's still scared, but he is dealing with it.  How awesome is that!?

Crunchy's was crazy busy and we lucked out with a  booth.  Daniel likes that they have a pinball machine there, so he gets a bunch of quarters and plays.  This is an excellent distraction while waiting for food!  Service was a little slower than normal because of how busy it was, but the pinball helps. 

Our server came to our table, and I'm going to say his name, Brandon, because he handled this so well....Brandon walked up to our table and right when he did, the Belle Tire guy came on the TV behind him.  Of course Brandon had no idea this was happening or that it would ever affect my 6' tall child.  But Daniel looked like someone smacked him the way he jumped and then he ducked.  He had his head down as far as he could, about level with the booth and looking toward the wall next to us and then Daniel says super casually,  "hi Brandon" (in what I could tell was a voice he was trying to control) "I'd like a burger that's totally plain, no cheese, no toppings and fries and a Sprite." All while looking under the table.  Brandon was completely unfazed and said "no problem!  sounds good!" like they were looking at each other talking and this happens every day. Todd and I were both smiling and the rest went on like "normal".  The waiter never blinked.  If anything, he was nicer.  Just like the people in this video. 

Autism awareness is working.  People are understanding that he isn't being rude, that something is a little "off" and here's the best part THEY DON'T CARE.  As this What Would You Do? shows, people not only don't care but stand up to the jerk who does.  This made my day, but it also made me cry.  Cry because I was so over come with how many people were angry and jumped in to their defense. 

It also reminded me of vacation.  Zach and I were eating out alone.  At first I didn't notice the boy next to me, but as we were looking at our menus I saw him start walking back and forth. He had an I Touch.  I heard a bit of "face" from Nick Jr and it reminded me of Daniel.  Then I glanced at my phone and as soon as I did he was looking over my shoulder (literally) at my I phone.  I put it down and he walked away.  His parents didn't notice.  Zach and I smiled at each other, both knowing immediately what was up.  Then I started to pay more attention out of the corner of my eye.  He was pacing, snapping his fingers compulsively and looking at his I touch with full attention.  Then I picked up my phone again and within a split second he was over my shoulder again.  This time his mom saw him and she called him back and apologized in a way that I have done many times.  They were getting ready to leave as she was apologizing.  I smiled and said, "really, it's not a problem" and they left.  Little did they know, how much I understood.  In my case autism awareness is because I live with it at home.  But I have to think part of it has been the relentless autism awareness campaigns over the past 10 years.   But it is also, sadly, due to the new statistic released this month.  1 in 88 kids are diagnosed with autism. I'll say that again, 1 in 88.  So I have to think pretty much everyone knows someone diagnosed with autism.  A friend, a nephew, a grandchild, a neighbor.  We still don't know why this is happening, but I am happy to know that people are being more accepting of it.  April is autism awareness month.  Pay it forward and let someone know they are accepted in our community.  Watch the video to remind yourself how to respond to support families with autism. 


http://abcnews.go.com/WhatWouldYouDo/video/autistic-child-defended-cafe-family-at-dinner-man-criticizes-wwyd-16136829

Happy New Year; Two Years in the Making

Happy 2012!   I hope this finds your families healthy and happy after the holiday season.  We decided to go "low key" this New Years.  We stayed home.  It's been a busy break with swim practices, so instead of packing up and going somewhere we thought we needed some down time before school started again. 

New Years Eve found us hanging out, playing cards and waiting for the ball to drop.  Daniel was also waiting, although ready to leap into bed after we counted down.  His favorite part is counting backwards from 10 of course.  It is oh so very very Sesame Street!  At about 11:45 he wandered downstairs, already showered and in his pajamas waiting for "the" moment.  He brought his I pad with him while he waited in the family room.  Todd and I were playing cards with our friends when we heard the TV go silent.  We both turned around to look into the family room and then we saw "it".  For those of you who know us, or have read this blog for a long time, you know what "it" is.  "It", like Voldemort, is the thing that cannot be named, said, talked about, make a reference to, anything.  The Belle Tire commercial was on during The New Years Rockin' Eve "with Dick Clark" hosted by Ryan Seacrest (I don't know why that makes me laugh...Dick Clark, please please retire.) 

But for those of you who aren't familiar with our years and years (and years) of dealing with "The Belle Tire guy", here are some old posts for you to read.  Here  I think that should pull up all of them.  I reread a lot of these last night.  Realizing that for the past two years we have been actively working on helping Daniel past this fear.  Really, it's been his whole life, but the past two years he seems to have matured enough to work harder on it.  He is still terrified by the little demon.  This seemingly innocuous little guy has really pissed me off for a long time.  Only because he paralyzes my child and prevents us from going to a lot of places for fear that he will suddenly appear on a screen somewhere.  I have written about "Sensory Perceptual Issues in Autism and Aspergers".  But as a reminder, it explains that "perceptual thinkers can experience thought as a reality. It means that when they think about something, they relive it visually, auditorially, etc and emotionally." (ONeill 1999).  If you have ever seen Daniel react to this guy you'd know he was reliving a nightmare over and over again. 

One of my followers became someone who worked for Belle Tire, because I wrote about them so much, I guess they had to know who this blogger was who kept talking about them.  They feel bad.  They've even written to me, which is nice, but also kind of funny.  But what can they do?  I only wish they could do something.

So back to NYE.  Silence.  Todd and I looked at each other, with that non verbal communication that only 20+ years of marriage can give you.  Todd jumped up and went into the room (we can see the TV from where we were, but not Daniel).  Daniel was looking at his I pad, with kind of a scrunched up look on his face, looking off to the side.  Kind of like when you see something really disgusting and don't quite want to look at it...  Then when it was over, it was over although he was a little upset.  He muted it and looked away.  That's what he did.  What he DIDN'T DO was: yell, cover his ears, run from the room.  None of it. None of the typical for him fight or flight, over the top panic. He simply picked up the remote and hit that powerful little button "mute", averted his eyes and waited for it to be over.  For two years, when we go into restaurants with TVs (that are muted) we have told him "it's safe,  it's on mute", he won't hear "it's" voice and he can look away when it's done.  For over two years.  It has allowed us to slowly go to more places.  He gets a little anxious, but he's been doing it with some underlying panic.  Then on NYE, this happened.  The couple who were with us, both know very well, about his problems with this. We all looked at each other in astonishment.  I'm so glad they knew how BIG, HUGE, ENORMOUS, this was for him and were able to celebrate that with us.  We didn't have a lot of time to do that, because it was time for the countdown.  We had poppers with confetti (yup, loud, but we warned him, and he was fine with it and happy to pull one himself). We counted down, we kissed and hugged and welcomed 2012 together.  With maybe just a little more enthusiasm that we had planned on because Daniel made a huge leap forward that night.  I think confetti and celebration were a perfect way to follow up this growth.  That is why we are always working on things.  It took over two years, and we saw a change right before our eyes.  I'm hoping this is a sign of things to come.  Happy New Year from the Sneathens!

Growth

As I think everyone who comes to this blog knows, loudness and autism do not go together very well. We are always trying to get Daniel to try new things because I think it is very empowering to him. As he has grown it seems he is more scared of the "idea" of loudness than the loudness itself. This didn't used to be the case, but he is 13 now. He has matured a LOT. I am so proud of him. But trying to get him to do something that he is scared to do, simply takes years. There have been times that we dragged him kicking and screaming into a situation, knowing he'd be fine when he got there (and he always was) but when it comes to most things, we go about it slow and steady. It may take years, but once he does something, he is usually there and will do it again and again.

As you may have guessed by now, we did something today that we have been trying to do again for, I'm guessing, 8 years. Last time we went we didn't get past the concourse of the stadium. He wouldn't even go to the area by the seats. Today we managed to go to an entire, women's college basketball game.

We live in East Lansing, home of Michigan State University. Basketball is BIG here. We have a Big Ten university within walking distance from our house. Along with that comes certain advantages, such has having great sports, arts, concerts and a beautiful campus all at your fingertips. There can be downsides. I don't think there is a resident who doesn't breathe a bit of a sigh of relief every summer when the area empties and all of us 40 somethings and families can reclaim downtown for ourselves for a few short months.


Todd and I have always been huge college basketball fans. It's something we love. Zachary, our 9 year old, is following suit. We are properly brainwashing him. We are both MSU graduates ourselves and except for one rogue member of our families, we all went to MSU. That person went to that other Big Ten university in our state. . . Zachary has no idea how great he has it. He has been to countless men's basketball games and has never sat any higher than about row 11. We have connections, good ones. The tickets usually come and either Todd and I go if I can scramble up a babysitter, or more than likely lately, Todd just brings Zachary and I stay home with Daniel. It's easier that way. I have to say, I'm getting a bit jealous of Zach taking over my tickets, but he loves it too. We ask Daniel if he'll go, we give him reasons why, the things he'll enjoy, like Sparty, the pep band, popcorn (always our bribe). But no. He remembers. He remembers forever.


We tried it once when he was maybe 5. I think it was a woman's game, which are MUCH quieter than the men's but by no means quiet. We walked in the doors of the Breslin Student events center with Daniel 5 and that would make Zach 2. We pretty much turned around and walked out. Daniel's hands were over his ears and he was screaming and crying. That wall of noise hit him and there was NO WAY he was going in. That was the last time he went for a Big Ten Basketball game. He has been in there for a circus. Which I find to be the biggest sensory overload ever, but he was fine for that. If it's something he loves he seems to find a way to power through it. So the key is finding something he'll love about it....it can be tricky but I can find a way. Along with 8 years of patience, a plan, and popcorn (my 3 p plan!)


We had been discussing it again. We had finally got Daniel to say that MAYBE he'd go. This is the opening. Once he allows the possibility, you have an opening. We both thought he was ready. We already decided to try a women's game. If we had to leave it wasn't a big deal, we'd just leave! Todd and I were planning it. Then Thursday I walked into Daniel's swimming and the sign that it was time to proceed came, my friend Amy said, "I have 4 tickets to the women's game on Sunday can you go?" and the deal was done. It was time to launch the plan.


Thursday at dinner I casually said to Daniel that Dad had told me he might be ready to try a game. "yea, maybe". I left it at that.


Saturday, we said that we had tickets and could go. He wasn't so sure. "It's too loud, I can't do it". Yes you can Daniel, it will be fun!!! "It's too loud" So we gave him the list of "things I can do if it's too loud". 1. cover my ears 2. go out to the concourse 3. go to the men's room and take a break (just like at school) 4. go get a drink 5. Last but not least LEAVE . He has to have an option to leave and you have to agree to it if it's requested. Otherwise he'll never try it again and he won't trust you again, and the next thing will be twice as difficult.

So off we went to the game yesterday. Here is a little montage of our afternoon.

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He did PERFECTLY. You want to know the kicker? At one point the BELLE TIRE GUY came on the big screen! I didn't even see it! Todd told me after we got home. Daniel just hid behind his popcorn box and Todd was reassuring him that it wouldn't come back? AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT! That is incredible progress! What a great outing. Thanks for the tickets Amy! He's growing up! Isn't it amazing?

Progress with Fears

Fears. Everyone has them. But for some reason it is the thing taking center stage for us right now. I don't know if we make that happen or it somehow evolves on it's own. However it comes to be, it is here and the problem set forth is in front of me to "solve". It's what I do. Something is presented and I spend all my time thinking about it and trying new things and working it out. Usually, I actually get it done. Think about the bike riding, the baritone etc. It doesn't happen over night, but I WILL make it happen. Maybe it's a good thing I am so stubborn? Maybe it is what I was meant to do all along? It doesn't really matter, because it's what I'm doing now.

Sometimes with Daniel's group therapy they get homework. The week before Memorial Day they got a homework sheet about being afraid. I talked about this in my Belle Tire Cares post. I thought that was funny, not funny ha ha, but funny in that strange 'look how the universe works' way. This past Monday we turned in his homework and this is what it looked like:

I don't know if you can see it. But the top picture is the bee he drew which is too cute for words. The bottom is the gazebo we built as the way to solve our problem. The interesting thing is when I took out this homework to work on, he got very upset, hands over ears yelling no no no. I said "Daniel we'll just talk about bees" (I knew he was afraid I'd bring up Belle Tire) then he yelled, " I don't want to talk about the Belle Tire guy". Excuse me, but that is HUGE. That is the first time those words have ever crossed his lips. Granted he was panicked, but he a. explained why and b. said the words Belle Tire guy out LOUD. I considered that a HUGE step forward. I had finally convinced him we were only talking about bees (hard to do when someone is plugging their ears the whole time) and finished the homework. I stayed true to my word, only talking about bees, which is VERY important, so they trust you. If you break that trust, forget it. It would take so long to build it up again.

At therapy, I pulled her aside to tell her what happened and, GET THIS, she had a kid on the spectrum before who's greatest fear was Belle Tire! I couldn't believe it. She has actually dealt with this before! After I explained it, they went into the group. Daniel shared his bee page during group. No one else did their homework except us (typical) so they all talked for a bit about if they are also afraid of bees. Then that tricky therapist said, "does anyone else have a fear of something else? Maybe something you might see on T.V.?" She said that Daniel's hands flew up to his ears and he said he didn't want to talk about it and excused himself to go to the restroom! I think that is HUGE progress. Maybe I'm easy? or delusional? but I actually think we are getting somewhere. Baby steps. He seems to be dealing with it a tiny bit better. He's still panicked, plugging his ears and refusing to come into the room if the TV is on an unapproved channel, but I'll take what I can get and keep pushing along, slowly but surely. But I feel like the surface has been cracked. Just what I needed. Something to keep me pushing through. Ahhhh progress.

The Secret Lives of Bees

Spring, the refreshing renewal of trees, grasses and flowers. The joy of watching everything turn green after a long cold grey winter. We look forward to it in our house as soon as fall is fading into winter. Especially Daniel and I. We like summer. And while most people like summer, I like summer so much because I find almost no redeeming quality about winter. So when the weather warms up, Daniel starts to spend more and more time outside. He has free reign about going in and out. He's never been "a runner". He knows his boundaries and sticks too them. For this we are extremely blessed. He won't leave our property. But goes in and out of the house sitting on the porch singing, or on the trampoline or swing set. It's very relaxing. Until IT starts. IT is the bees and mosquitoes. . . and boy are they back in town.


I find it amazing how my selective memory seems to work. I can't remember if we have this problem every year and slowly we get him more comfortable with being outside with the little creatures. Or if it is a particularly bad year this year. On Memorial Day is was a gorgeous day here in E.L. and we spent most of the day out on our deck. Our deck is easily 10 degrees hotter than the air temp in the front of our house and on this day it was cooler, so the deck felt perfect. Todd's parents came over and we sat outside talking. The boys were going to eat lunch outside. But as soon as Daniel went out with his food. The bees started flying around. Bees are right up there with his other greatest fear. The Belle Tire guy which I talked about here and here. So the bees are back and with it Daniel's anxiety's have been raised one hundred fold. He was so panicked he spent that whole beautiful day inside. It broke my heart. I know how badly he wanted to come outside but he was just too scared.



We have talked many many times about putting a screened porch on the back of our house. It would solve many problems. For one, our deck gets so hot, once mid June comes you can barely be on it during the day. At night you can't because the mosquitoes get so bad. So the screened porch would really solve both of these problems. My friend and neighbor is having one built as I write this. I am having major porch envy. Last weekend I was at another friends for a BBQ and they have one too. Envy. It just isn't an option for us right now. We don't have the money and with other things looming (like a new roof) it's not a good time. How do we help him deal with his fear of bees? If anyone has any thoughts I'd love to hear from you.



I have tried to find out what it is that scares him, because he's never been stung. We had a talk about it, but he gets so upset at the mention of "bees" he goes right back to that place of panic. I found this segment in the book "Sensory Perceptual Issues in Autism and Aspergers". It explains that "perceptual thinkers can experience thought as a reality. It means that when they think about something, they relive it visually, auditorially, etc and emotionally." (ONeill 1999). This is why when we bring up, say, "Belle Tire" he covers his ears and starts screaming because he literally relives the scary moment over and over. It's like a nightmare version of "Ground Hog Day". Same with the night I asked him about why he is afraid of bees. Hands over hears, red blotchy face yelling and crying. I tried to calm him but I want to get to the bottom of why it upsets him. Is it the buzzing? Is it a fear of being stung? Is it the flying around unpredictably? He did get out that it was the buzzing and flying around. I don't like those really loud buzzers either and from a kid who when he was 4 and our magnolia tree was FULL of butterflies, literally hundreds of them all at one time, that "the butterfly wings are too loud" when I asked him to come look with me. Yup. butterfly wings are too loud. Now I think this shows the intensity in which he deals with these sensory issues.

My distress of poor Daniel taking shelter in our house after waiting months for warm weather sent me out for an option instead of adding a $10,000 + addition onto our house. As you know I love a good research project. The next day I made a fairly impulsive buy. Here it is.

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Daniel is SO excited about this gazebo as is everyone else. He says he can now "eat on the deck safe and sound, away from bees and mosquitoes". We'll still work on helping him manage his fear, but in the mean time, I think we have found a temporary solution to give us some more quality family time. By the way. This gazebo was purchased from Target, on sale for $193.00. And, no, I'm not getting any compensation for pointing this out (I wish), I'm just trying to pass along helpful information. While I don't generally enjoy dropping $200 I think it was a good deal. In my opinion it's attractive (ours doesn't look quite as good as the Target add with their fancy furniture etc. but it is useful, and not so drastic as adding onto our house. All in all it's a good solution.

Belle Tire Cares

Yesterday I had a comment on my blog from the Social Media Director of Belle Tire. My reaction to this was immediate laughter. I love the fact that they not only found my little blog, but cared enough to leave the following comment:

Hi Michelle,

I've been reading your blog for a while now. (I blog-search Belle Tire on a daily basis.)

Kate was right, Belle Tire's are only located in Michigan and Northern Ohio.

We're so sorry to read of your difficulties with Tire Man. I know that it must be stressful and we hate to have any part of it.

Let us know if there is anything we can do to help.

Thanks!
Kari McLeod
Social Media Coordinator, Belle Tire Distributors Inc.
belletirecares@belletire.com

@Tire_Man
http://belletirecares.blogspot.com/

A few weeks ago I googled "belle tire mascot" to see where I would show up on the google list. The answer is 5th. 5th! My husband had suggested that someone from Belle Tire would probably find the blog based on that to make sure I wasn't infringing on the copy write of their logo or something. What I particularly loved about Kari's comment is that they have been "following my blog for a while" which I had sort of already figured out from my traffic feed. At least I thought that was a possibility. I wondered if it was just to make sure I wasn't bashing them, and I have come to find out that "Belle Tire cares". To top it ALL off the Belle Tire logo is now prominently displayed as a "follower" of my blog! Good thing Daniel doesn't read my blog because if he had, he'd never come back to it with that logo there!

I love how the universe works because on the same day as this comment was left I brought Daniel to his usual therapy on Monday evenings. Oddly enough, the theme was, "what we are afraid of" Ok, that's just weird. Get this, his homework assignment is to "draw a picture of what you are afraid of". Please understand I said nothing to his therapist about this. Partially because last time I brought it up she wanted to do "private sessions" to focus on helping him get over his "Tire Man" fear. I didn't feel up to paying $50 a session and taking the time to get him there once a week. Plus I was pretty sure that after the first session he'd never want to see her again EVER because he'd be so pissed off. So I had put it on hold. For whatever reason I am now feeling it's time and I thought I'd try to tackle this myself. I am not a therapist of course but I sort of "play one in real life".

So we are sitting outside of the therapist's office last night and I was looking at the homework, which is due in two weeks, because of Memorial Day, and read the assignment. I purposefully said in front of the therapist, "oh look Daniel you need to draw a picture of what you are most afraid of".

Daniel says- "I'm afraid of thunder and lightening"

me- "no you are not" (he's picking something he isn't afraid of so he doesn't freak himself out.)

Daniel- (gives in slightly and says) "I'm afraid of bees."

me- "You're right Daniel, you are afraid of bees. It would be a great idea to draw a picture of a bee, then you could explain why you are afraid of them and what you do to get around that. But I'm thinking of something you are even MORE afraid of."

(guns? mass murderers? snakes? Nope, a smiling TIRE!)

Daniel- looks me in the eye and I'm thinking Belle Tire, Belle Tire (I swear he can read my thoughts sometimes) and his eyes get huge and round, hands fly up to his ears and he starts SCREAMING NO NO NO! DON'T SAY IT! (all in front of the therapist)

Therapist- "It's ok Daniel we won't talk about it, go to your happy place, think of something happy."

Daniel- (nervously starts singing) "Sing. . .. . sing a song, make it simple, to last your whole life long. . . . Don't worry that it's not good enough for anyone else to hear. . . just sing, sing a song . . .. (anyone?? Sesame street! That's his go to his happy place song that turns him around!)

Me- heavily praising him for turning himself around so quickly!!! Great job!! Singing is a strategy we've worked on to help him pull himself out of a downward spiral when he feels it coming and he DID IT ON HIS OWN! All part of the problem.

My reactions to all of this are so mixed. I find it fascinating that I had decided to start working on this and all of the stars have come together, seemingly, without me pushing them that way. It must be time. Oh how much easier some things in our lives would be without him fearing seeing that Tire man on tv or on a billboard. How silly to us, not to him, that this guy is so terrifying and standing in his way. How funny and sweet that the company is aware of it and would like to help in some way.

I'm assuming that changing the logo that they've had for what 20 or 30 years is not an option? LOL. I posted this on facebook and got many suggestions on how they could help. Some being jokes, of course. Here are some of the comments:

"I just hope they don't send you a big box of Belle Tire logo stuff!"

"The Belle Tire Man is VERY creepy. I do not react as strongly as Daniel, but that thing is definitely a boggart."

"A possible donor for the sensory room?"

This last one needs explaining. Two of our K - 4 elementary buildings are putting in "sensory rooms" for a place for children with sensory difficulties to escape to during the day. It can be a place to relax. We are hoping to add equipment that would be calming and help them get their neurological systems back in order. My son Zachary and the cub scout troops put efforts in the whole year to get this going. They raised over $800.00 to donate to the school to help this dream become a reality. People donated a lot of time and effort. We also used it as a way to teach the cub scouts about autism with our theme being "How to be a friend to someone with autism". It was a fantastic idea! How wonderful for the boys to give something direct to their school. A friend of mine and I were laughing about the donor idea saying, "wouldn't it just be the cherry on the sundae if Belle Tire would donate money for the sensory room in behalf of Daniel?? Now that would be full circle.

While I do laugh at this whole crazy scenario it is partially out of the feeling that comes over me sometimes of "how did I get here?" Could I ever have imagined that my number one job at one point would be trying to rid the trauma of a logo? That I would spend years helping Daniel master the skills of bike riding? That I would constantly have to try to put myself in his shoes to see what he sees to try to help him move to the next level? That part of my "job" would be committing myself to families and be their representative in our school district and beyond (more on this later)?