An (In)Ordinary Summer Day

Happy July!  The summer is flying by like it always does! I feel like we are in our routine. We are continuing with swimming club and started the second session. The days of summer are feeling like our ordinary day.

We'll be missing a week of swimming as we head back "up north" for a week, but I am compensating by Daniel swimming 4 days for the three weeks he is swimming instead of 3 days a week.  He was VERY unhappy with me about this, but is doing it.  I believe I heard him muttering something about "dumb" under his breath which I pretended to NOT hear.  This has been happening more and more and it is very difficult for me not to smile as he is basically calling me dumb or stupid (which in his vocabulary is a VERY bad word to say, the worst he has in his repertoire).  The reason it makes me happy is because it is NORMAL for a teenager to think their parents are stupid!  Only the parent of a special needs child is thrilled to see their kids cheat at a game the first time or call us stupid.   It's PROGRESS!!!  Normally I'll act offended and tell him that is NOT OK and make him apologize all while thinking "hurray"!!  I have to stick to the script! 

Yesterday Daniel went to swimming, Zach is in Jr. Lifeguard and loving it.  What else is better for a 100% rule follower than Jr Lifeguard?  He gets to blow a whistle at people and tell them to follow the RULES!  And people have to listen.  Plus he gets to swim, and learn to save people.  That all has little brother Zach written all OVER it.  He is still wearing his whistle, 3 hours after class.  Oh boy.  He did tell me that he can work at the pool when he is 14, in two years.  Not as a lifeguard, but doing other things.  I think you have to be 16 to lifeguard and be certified etc.  Of course he will be by then. He is formulating his plan.  I love that kid.

In the afternoon we were lucky enough to get in for haircuts, which were desperately needed.  Haircuts used to be so traumatic for all of us.  Daniel would cry and scream and fight.  I would do it at home and it would take hours.  Sometimes Todd would hold him down and we'd buzz him.  It was awful.  But he also HATED his hair long, he didn't like when it would blow in the wind almost like it hurt his scalp.  Damned if you do, damned if you don't.  I don't remember how old he was when my friend and hairdresser Kari suggested she try.  She was magical with him.  It wasn't perfect in the beginning, but over time he trusted her, and she even got to where she uses the clippers to clean up the bottom and sides.  Now I get to go in and watch him chat with her, script his haircutting script from Elmo's World and it is so easy.  I never thought it would be easy.  She was a savior.  Shhhh, don't tell her, but I'd pay her A LOT more money than I do, just so I don't have to do it! 

On the way out of haircuts I took a different route because we were meeting my husband for dinner.  A few blocks from the salon I remembered this route took us past the new Belle Tire store.  I have many links to the nightmare that this little logo has brought to us.  We were driving along and Daniel said, "when we get to the store of the tire guy, I will duck my head and close my eyes and smile" (a reference to the Veggie Tales song "God is Bigger than the Boogie man")  I froze.  He has never referred to this without being in a panic or covering his ears.  He just said it like he was talking about ice cream.  From the backseat Zach said "WHAT did you just say?" hardly believing it himself.  Then Daniel covered his ears.  I then launched into my speech (delivered in the most light hearted voice I could) "you don't have to be afraid, it's a LOGO Daniel.  A LOGO.  It cannot hurt you."  My same speech I've been giving for years and years.  But he is reacting less and less to it.  It is obviously working.  He said "the tire guy" without reacting.  He is avoiding him on his own.  I'm not changing my route to avoid passing the store.  It's working.  Slowly, yes.  What isn't slow with us?  But it's working.  We take and celebrate ALL progress.  This is opening his world a tiny bit more.

Then we went to Bed Bath and Beyond.  Daniel has a laundry hamper from when he was about 6.  It is in the shape of a rocket because his room was, and still is, space themed.  He went through a space phase.  Had I known then that I would NEVER be allowed to change his room, I might have done a few things differently.  Live and learn, right?  Well this laundry hamper is one huge mess.  There are wires sticking out all over and it is just destroyed.  I finally said, "that's it, we need a new one." He asked "is it tattered and worn?" (from Sesame Street, "I love Trash" song) and I said (according to script) "it is and we need a new one." He has learned to accept this.  It used to be a HUGE fight.  So we were looking for a laundry hamper and we were in the bed area on the way to the bath area. Daniel said excitedly, "LOOK A PURPLE PILLOW!".  There was a bed with a purple pillow on it that you use to sit up in bed to read or whatever.  I jokingly said, "Daniel is it time to change your room, we could use purple."  I say jokingly, because I didn't think there was a chance in hell he'd let me change his entire room!  And he said "YES, let's change my room and get rid of my rockets on the wall and paint over them!".  I almost fell over onto the floor of Bed Bath and Beyond.   He ASKED for a CHANGE in the most important place in our house to him.  a. He ASKED (in his own way) and b. he is ready for a change and somewhat communicated it to me.  So now, in the middle of summer, I am trying to design a new room for him that is masculine, and has purple and of course he wants it done now.  Not a project I was planning on, in the middle of our busy summer, but one I'm thrilled to do.  But I'm going to make thoughtful choices.  After all, he might not ever let me change it again. 

It's these little moments of progress in the middle of an ordinary day that make you feel that all of the hard work matters. It gives you a moment of celebration.  It gives you something to hold onto when things aren't going well.  It keeps us moving forward. 

A Day in the Life

December 7, 2011, late afternoon.  I am leaving Meijer, a huge store in this part of the United States.  It is based in Grand Rapids, MI not far from here, and it was the blueprint Sam Walton used to design his mammoth Walmart stores.   I lucked out and one of my favorite cashiers walked by and gave me the signal she was opening.  I quickly got out of line and into hers.  It truly is the little things that are encouraging.  Little did I know this was the high point of my day. 

I was making something new for dinner.  I love the promise of a new recipe.  It is simple recipe, but pretty time consuming.  I was going to start at 4:00 to have it ready by 5:45 when my 11 year old came in the door and the first thing I heard was a choking groan in the back of his throat.  "Not good" I thought.  I tried to be upbeat, but it was too late.  As soon as he saw me he dissolved into tears.  It wasn't really anything, he was feeling sad, and tired and needed to let go to his mom.  I'll take it while I still get it.  These moments of closeness with my boy will be disappearing soon enough.   It started my dinner late, but I dove in while he was working on his homework.

Meanwhile Todd came home.  Everyone was saying how good it smelled in the house.  Things were looking good.  Todd then said, "but I'm meeting my friend at 5:30 before the MSU basketball game."  Then quickly added, "but I can drive Zach to swimming on the way" to try to make up for the fact that my work thus far was for naught.  So I decided I could finish most of it, put it together the next day and stick it in the oven.  That is the last step anyway.  It should work. 

Daniel was in the basement, in his glory that he didn't have anything after school for the first day in weeks.  I let him be on the computer for some rest and relaxation.  Zach and Todd left.  I was packing up the dinner when the phone rang.  Zach was at the high school pool and it was dark and locked.  Todd had dropped him at the curb, and when he went in, that's what he found.  I knew he was in a rocky state so we talked for a minute to relax him.  He said two other kids were there with him (so I didn't totally flake on a cancelled practice I thought to myself)  I told him it made sense it was locked up, because the high schoolers who usually are practicing before them were at a meet.  I knew because we chose not to send Daniel.  We are easing him into the schedule for his first year of the swim team.  Since he had two other kids with him, I asked him to wait for 5 more minutes and then call me if a coach hadn't showed up.  He did and called me back with relief that his coach had arrived.  Crisis and an ill timed trip to the high school, averted.

I started packing dinner only to realize that I now had a filthy kitchen, no dinner and I was starving.  I threw Daniel's together which I have the basics on standby because he doesn't usually eat the same main dish as us, unless it is hamburgers or tacos or bratwurst sausages. (?) I make batches of his stuff and serve it with the same sides as we have.  So I heated a hamburger, gave him melon, and carrots and fed him.  I decided to order a pizza (which I could live on twice a day every day if someone would let me) but mid order I realized my wallet wasn't in my purse.  I couldn't give him the VISA number without it.  (I only have it half memorized). So I hung up in search of my wallet.  Only to remember that the last time I saw it I was at the stove watching my Labradoodle run by with it in his mouth with my husband in hot pursuit.   Our labradoodle, Oscar, has a  thing about stealing things.  He never eats them, he just finds great pleasure in snatching things and running through the house with us yelling "drop it" and "no" and he runs around tables and over the top of furniture to escape us.  It's super fun....for him.  Especially when you are in the middle of something.  At Thanksgiving, unbeknownst to us, he had taken my brother in laws wallet.  We found him in the living room with it in front of him on the floor pulling bills out of it, one by one.  My wallet didn't measure up for the fun factor as it only has that pesky plastic in it. 

After texting my husband demanding to know where my wallet ended up, I realized I was beyond hungry and getting really testy.  He told me 4 or 5 places he was sure it was and said he had "been no where else in the house".  This was obviously wrong since it wasn't in any of those places, but since he was having a drink with his buddy before the game, he wasn't feeling my pain and I don't blame him.  I finally located the wallet (oddly in a room Todd had claimed to have never been in) and called back the pizza guy for him to say 40 minutes.  Which put me right about the time I was supposed to be picking up Zachary. Sigh.  I decided to risk it.  It came in time for me to scarf down some pieces, yell to Daniel I had to run to the high school "quickly" and be back.  Another problem barely averted.

I pulled into the high school to see nothing but cars as far as the eye could see.  They were illegally parked, added on to ends of rows, on the grass.  The quick part of this scenario evaporated.  Not good.  After circling 3 or 4 times I decided the fire lane was my best bet.  I had to go in to get him, since we hadn't arranged other wise and that has been the routine.  I saw my friend who lives across the street pull in front of me (we had pulled out of our driveways at the same time.)  We talked for two minutes (the best part of my evening).  I abandoned my car in the fire lane, hoping that it would still be there ticket free when I returned but feeling optimistic that 10 other cars followed my lead in the fire lane.   I made it to the pool and it was empty.  I knew he must be in the locker room and chose to wait outside the door.  I amused myself watching the high school girls basketball be silly in the hallway, ignoring the anxious middle age woman hanging outside the boys locker room (me).  I have spent an unimaginable amount of time outside of a boy's locker room door, waiting for my children to appear.  Daniel takes his sweet time when I'm waiting.  Savoring the fact that I am helpless and unable to charge in and demand he speed up.  It's an annoying and helpless feeling.  Zachary finally emerged, I found my car where I left it, again feeling like I barely got by with another one this night.

I then realized Zachary had no food.  I looked at my tired boy and said "How about some McDonald's?"  He sighed with relief and said "that sounds perfect".  Off to the drive through, feeling guilty for once again getting fast food and happy that I felt like I just made Zachary's night.  We went home for homework.  Zach was working on his (again) and went through Daniel's folder only to see Daniel had a research assignment he had "started at school" with no mention of what he had already done.  Just a list of websites, but no mention of which he had visited.  When I ask Daniel questions about this sort of thing he becomes angry, he thinks I should know all of this (but really I SHOULD but for some reason the school refuses to communicate it to me).  He obviously doesn't want to repeat what he's already done, or he can't remember, or he doesn't want to remember, or he feels I should know or he simply can't communicate to me and pull the words together (most likely).  Doesn't matter, it always ends up with Daniel getting mad and having a tantrum.  He's 6'1" 215 pounds by the way.  Then I'm mad at the school for not just telling me the damn information.  So I wrote a note to the school saying if they don't tell me, I will just not even attempt it at home anymore. Done. (The response I received the next day was basically "Daniel knows what he did".  Sigh.  They really think I'm making this up?  Do I want to cause more tension and anxiety?  I don't think so.  Don't need it, obviously.)

Next, Daniel emerged from the basement and calmly said, "the lens fell out of my glasses". (of COURSE it did). I asked what he did with it and he replied in a off handed, what else would I have done way, "I just put it back in." Wait a minute.  What?  Something like his glasses falling apart will normally cause him to dissolve into a tantrum demanding that they be fixed immediately at 8:00 pm on a Wednesday night.  I asked him for his glasses and he removed them and went to shower.  I tightened everything as much as I could, with the set of tiny screwdrivers we have for such things.  I of course had a wrong size but made due.  There was a glaringly empty space where it is most likely that the correct sized screwdriver should be but was not.   I made due. I was still amazed at the calmness Daniel exhibited while delivering the news of broken glasses, but just counted my blessings while I looked up what time the Optometrist opened the next morning, planning on bringing him in before school, or with him missing as little school as possible (he doesn't like to miss ANY, it's his routine) I wanted to make sure they wouldn't fall apart at school.  THAT would be a disaster. 

Daniel emerged from the shower checked his glasses, satisfied with my workmanship.  He went to take his 2  5 mg Buspar that is his evening dosage of his anti-anxiety meds.  He uses a days of the week container so he has 4 per day.  1 in the morning, 1 after school and two at night.  He says, "Wednesday is empty.  I'll just get two more."  Wait a minute.  "Why is Wednesday empty?"  I responded.  "I don't know." (Teenager)  He answers while pulling out the pill bottle to 'get two more'.  I told him he was NOT taking two more and asked if he took all three that were in there after school.  He said "no".  I then asked, "well what happened to them, did you drop them? throw them away?"  "No, I TOOK THEM BY MISTAKE".  (he hates making mistakes) Let me get this straight,he took 15 mg after school instead of 5 mg.  Highly unusual since he is so methodical about every thing.  I worried for a moment that he took way too much (running a quick ER scenario through my head) then I remembered the Dr. had told me 30 mg / day would still be an appropriate dose for him.  I counted it up and realized he had taken 20 mg so far that day and gave him only one for the evening.  He wasn't happy because in his mind it wasn't "right:".  But he did accept it. 

When Todd got home from the game and I was very happily alone on the couch, I was relaying this evening to my husband  he said "No wonder he was OK with his glasses falling apart."  What would normally send him into a spiral was "oh well I'll just pop it back in" because he had taken so much anti anxiety medication!.  I hadn't even had the time to put this together or I was too tired to do so.  We dissolved into laughter on the couch, realizing that his mistake of taking too much medication showed us that he just might need a bit more, and that his mistake might have been a very good thing.  Come to think of it.  After reflecting on this day in the life of....maybe I could use a little of that medicine too.  I think I need it as much as he does, or maybe not, if I can end this day laughing with my husband on the couch about it. 

Connections

We have returned from our first "up north" adventure this summer. If you aren't from Michigan you probably don't know about "up north". People who live in the lower part of Michigan spend a lot of the summer time headed north. I heard someone who had lived here for a year saying, what is with this "up north" thing? I don't get it. A friend said they'd show her and brought her to beautiful part of northern Michigan. All she could say is "now I get it". You just have to experience it. And no matter where you go, it's generalized as "up north". Every time, on our drive we get to a certain point, I don't know where it is, but there is a spot on the highway that the hills begin and the evergreens extend high into the air and I exhale and think, we are now "up north". Even though our destination is another hour and a half away it is a feeling that always happens. It's wonderful.

We spend our "up north" time in Charlevoix. It's nickname is actually "Charlevoix the beautiful" and that about sums it up. It is a tiny town, that has Round Lake as the center of it's downtown. There are enough yachts and sailboats there to make you think that someone in Michigan must still have a job....Round Lake connects Lake Michigan and Lake Charlevoix. No matter where you are you are surrounded by gorgeous blue and turquoise water. It's where my in-laws grew up and where we now make our summer pilgrimages to. This long holiday weekend we brought our friends with us. The whole family. They are moving away from us, well not from us, specifically, but their family is leaving Michigan for Florida within the next few weeks. It will be life changing for our family as well, because "the mom" Alyse is my closest friend. Her oldest child is Zachary's best friend. Mike, the dad is Todd's good friend. They have two gorgeous girls who I would love to take home with me permanently. This sucks for us. Big time. We decided to steal them away for a weekend and keep them to ourselves for a fun time in Charlevoix. So we did. I knew it would be fun. I knew it would make memories for our families. What I didn't anticipate would be what Daniel would get out of it. Honestly I hardly considered him when making the plans. It's one of those happy accidents that took me by surprise.

The youngest of this family, Elin, is nearly three. This month actually. Recently when we've been together we have noticed a connection growing between her and Daniel. It is a really interesting relationship. She is a petite little thing and Daniel is, well, gigantic and will be a teenager in 3 months. But Daniel of course, still loves things like Blues Clues and Arthur. He likes to play games that she likes to play. Developmentally, they like a lot of the same things. I believe it goes deeper than that though. There are some people who you just connect with, and I think this pair does. Despite the huge differences between them. Daniel, who has zero patience, has so much patience for her. Elin, despite her petite appearance, is one of the strongest personalities I have ever met, and since she isn't MY child, I think it's adorable! What this weekend did for Daniel is what all kids need to break out of the autism "shell". It's what we try to do for him daily and can't do. The visitors broke up his Charlevoix routine. All of a sudden there were all of these people there who also wanted turns with the dvd's and walks in town. People you had to wait for and share your bubbles with. It pushed him out of his box. A lot of the time that comes with much distress for Daniel and he gets very agitated. But this weekend he took it in stride.

When he was watching a dvd Elin came marching in and watched him rewind to the same spot over and over and over. She looked at him and giggled and said, "Daniel, what are you doing??" Not with a mean spirit, but she'd never seen someone do that before and she's only two! Todd suggested to Daniel that Elin may want to watch with him, but she likes to just sit and watch the video all the way through. So he put it to the beginning and sat and watched it with her! What?? That does NOT happen. Then she suggested that she would like to watch Arthur next. Ok she really marched to the videos, picked it up and said I want this. I told her she could watch it when this one was finished. So HE PUT IT IN AND WATCHED THE WHOLE THING WITH HER. Without yelling. Without anger.

Every night he records his voice on a Vtech computer before bed. I had him do it early on the fireworks night, anticipating a late night return and him falling apart because of the time of our arrival home (which was midnight). So he actually did some of his routine before we left for the fireworks to get it out of the way (that actually worked be the way, shocking, I know). Elin wandered in while he was recording his voice. I stayed with them because I saw nothing but a bad ending coming. He has an order that he goes through and does not like it interrupted. She plopped down by him. I explained what he was up too. Of course she said, "I want to try". So she started belting out "Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll love ya tomorrow, it's only a day away...." in pure Annie fashion. Where was a video camera? He listened to it back. She was starting to take over and he said to her, "I'll say . . . . . this, then you say that....." AND SHE DID. He incorporated her into his routine and he changed it. They took turns, she listened to him. Then the test. His last recording is always SILENCE. No one can talk. So he says to a two year old, "You have to be silent, no talking", and she did? It was just, for lack of a better word, weird.

One of the mornings, all of the kids, except Daniel were drawing. Daniel was up in his room, probably doing his getting dressed routine which takes up to 20 minutes. Elin was drawing a typical almost three year old drawing. I was talking to her about it, trying to find out what she was working so intently on (I couldn't see anything but scribbles in my head) She showed it to Todd in the kitchen and she seemed disappointed in her drawing. She showed him and said, "it's broken" in a sad way. We sort of all thought, huh? How can a drawing be broken? A few minutes later Daniel came down and Elin handed him her drawing. He glanced at it and said, "this is broken" and handed it back....? What the? Alyse said wow, they have quite a connection. My mother in law, said it must be a developmental thing. I think it's both. They are the only two who could see what was so obviously to them, "broken". Any thoughts?

As I've mentioned in routines, Daniel's routine for snack is a chocolate Poptart and 10 saltine crackers. The 10 crackers is a VERY important part of this. We often ask him for one, knowing that he will say no and protect it with his life. But we try to give the possibility that he may one day give up a cracker. Why? I don't know, to give him some flexibility. Of course Elin has no concept of this and when she saw Daniel's snack she said, "can I have a cracker?" You guessed it, he gave her one. Honestly, of everything that happened this amazed Todd and I the most. This is very rigid for him and I have never ever seen this happen. He just handed it to her like he does it all the time. No angst. Nothing. She asked for another, Todd suggested she may not want to push it....

Zachary had been coveting a Nerf gun. Not any Nerf gun, but the "N strike longshot CS6". (sounds sort of A Christmas Story doesn't it?) Todd and I went to K Mart (there is no Walmart in Charlevoix where I refuse to shop anyway. Charlevoix ran them out of town when they wanted to build there, yet another thing I love about Charlevoix). After some discussion of the fact that Zachary literally never asks for ANYTHING we decided to splurge and buy it. Todd very observantly said that we then needed to find something for Daniel. A nearly impossible task. We found a purple bubble machine and purchased it. He loves purple and loves bubbles. We got a giant refill of bubbles and bought it. I knew he'd be possessive of the bubbles, which he was, but he pretty easily shared them with the girls and let them use them when they wanted to. They spent a lot of time watching the bubbles floating way into the sky over the houses and out toward the lake together.


While this weekend was partially very selfish for me. I wanted to make even more memories for our two families. I wanted our friends to be able to spend time away from the stresses of trying to move their whole family across the country and all the work that comes with that. I wanted Zachary to get as much time as possible with his buddy. What I didn't expect was Daniel to be pushed out of his box by his good friend Elin or for him to find a connection that I know he will never forget with an unlikely friend for him, a blond haired, blue eyed two year old, who seems to know just what he needs. I am sure that the connections our families have found will extend all the way to Florida. Ties like that stay together no matter the length of time between visits. And while we'll miss them being part of our every day lives, I look forward to our visits together and seeing what else will grow out of them.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Oh Well

I am again off of the band thing. But the most amazing thing happened this morning that I felt the need to share. Let me start by saying we are very very routined around here. Daniel, with his autism, likes his routines. The good thing is that once you get him into a routine he'll always do it. Always. He gets up, eats breakfast, plays on the computer, brushes his teeth, goes to his room, gets totally undressed and gets back in bed for 5 minutes (I really don't know how this started but he does it every day!) gets up, gets dressed, makes his bed, watches tv for about 10 minutes and we go to school. Every day. Even on the weekend. Except the school part of course!

It's great that he always brushes his teeth and makes his bed. Changing that routine or adding to it can be a bit of a nightmare, but once you do it. He'll do everything. It has been so nice that he makes his bed everyday and takes responsibility for some things. He is growing up and it's as it should be. He even keeps me in order. On Fridays he brings home his water bottle that he keeps at school all week so I can wash it. Then Monday a.m. he is asking, "did you wash my water bottle?" "Is it in my back pack?" He keeps you on task. It's awesome. The problem can also be when things go wrong with the routine he can get quite upset. The AI (autistic impaired) consultant for the district suggested I make up a "hurry up" schedule. For that day that will eventually come when we all over sleep and he has to have a routine done very quickly. She suggested we practice it on the weekend on a day when it doesn't really matter. This is a good idea. Write it out and practice it and then when it happens you are prepared. No, it's a great idea. A great idea that I haven't done yet, because, well, it will be a nightmare. I know this. But I know it will be worth it. I may even get around to doing it someday!?

If he leaves a library book at home or a water bottle or something he gets rather agitated at school. Even though he is really good at reminding me it still happens occasionally. They usually end up calling me and I bring it in, so he can refocus. Although sometimes I am doing something and I make him wait. Sometimes I just make him wait because it's good for him. This is partially to get him used to not getting it instantaneously. I may say, I'll have it there before lunch. And I will. Now this is usually good enough for him, because he trusts that I will. It is very important to do what you say your going to do. It is teaching him some flexibility. Very very slowly. But I can see it happening over time. We work on in constantly in little ways.

Last week he got in my car after school. He always wears an ear band in the winter instead of a hat. He doesn't like the hat on top of his head so he'd never wear one. Last year I finally got the brilliant idea to get one of the bands. It covers his ears but leaves the top of his head open. It was a good move. So he gets in the car. I pull out of the driveway and I say, "where's your ear band?" He immediately swung into deep panic mode. Turned blotchy red, starts whimpering. It is a state between crying and not. I hate to say it, but the whimpering drives me nuts. He's in a panic. "Go back go back!" he's screaming. I calmly said I have to go up to the next block and turn around, but he really could just leave it there until the next day. He wouldn't need it tonight. "no no no, go back". I say, "are you sure? we could just go home and you can get it in the morning. This confuses him and he screams, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO" at me. I do, we are going back. We get to school, go through his locker. It isn't there. I asked if he even wore it today and he yells, "NO, LET'S GO HOME!" Goodness. He was quite the mess. But when we got home it was here in the basket that it's kept in. I used it as a teaching moment and explained that he doesn't have to get that upset. It was right here. And even if it was lost, we could get a new one. It's not a big deal. I know it SEEMS like it to him. (I don't want to minimize his feelings) but really it could be taken care of either way. That was the end.

So today he does his whole routine. Then I get a call that his para is out sick. I have arranged via Daniel's IEP to have them call me BEFORE WE GO TO SCHOOL so I can prepare him in advance. It makes a HUGE difference. If he doesn't know before he gets there he can get quite upset upon arrival and seeing someone else there waiting for him. It's a jolt that takes him a while to get over. This preparation time before he gets there gives him time to process it and he is pretty ok with it at that point. Then we can't find the darn ear band again. I'm thinking oh no, now he's going to be all upset about this on top of his para being out. We look in the basket, on the floor of the closet, in the laundry room. No ear band. And do you know what he says to me. "Oh well, it happens." And walks out the door and gets in the car. That was it. Totally calm, no big deal. Like he just rolls with the punches on a regular basis or something!? It was truly amazing. What a wonderful thing for him to realize. Oh well.