Sunday, September 21, 2008

Still Creeped

My husband has just about had it with me. I can't get over the lice thing. Granted, him rolling his eyes at me and shaking his head does not HELP me in any way. It does, however, point out that I am being slightly irrational. OK maybe more than slightly. I can't help it though. There is the rational part of my brain that knows we are past this. Then there is the emotional side that cannot move on. I told him I was going to write this blog. He said he should write it about me. . . ok bring on the comments Todd.

In my defense I was improving, ever so slightly. I was still using the nit combs, checking hair etc. But the panic was subsiding. Then last Tuesday something happened. I know it was Tuesday because Todd was at a City Council meeting that evening. Daniel was outside swinging, Zachary was playing somewhere in the house. I was finally sitting down for a bit. Daniel comes in and sits by me. Then it happened. I saw something scurry across his head. I grabbed it, killed it. He said "is it lice?" I said, "no Daniel I don't think so". "You probably had a little spider on your head from outside". The apple tree branches are practically laying on top of the slide, so he has to go through it to get up the slide. I was totally playing it cool. But my insides? I can't explain the panic that I felt. I brought him upstairs, checked out his head. Found nothing. I also know from killing many of these suckers, that lice are not that easy to kill. This bug was gone in a split second. I sent Daniel on his way. But I was one half of a step from dropping into some deep abyss that I wouldn't be able to find my way out of. Total and complete panic. It was very close to a terrible panic attack I had once. It was that bad. Todd came home earlier than normal (thank goodness) and I told him what happened. He didn't seem worried. I said Daniel had to have a shower and check his hair again. I asked (ok begged) Todd to do it because I was so paralyzed with fear I literally couldn't move. He very patiently did as I asked. He found nothing.

Todd say, "Are you ok now?"


It started me going all over again. I was convinced we all had lice again. Friday night Todd had poker here and I hid in my room with my computer and treated myself for lice, again. It has been weeks since any lice was on me, but I spent a good hour of my night combing Cetaphyl through my hair and playing word twist with my cousin on facebook. Lunatic, I keep thinking. But I can't stop! I still have all of the items bagged up in lice time out in my dining room. All the things that were too big to wash, or you couldn't. They are supposed to be bagged for 2 weeks. We are way beyond that. I talked to Beckie about possibly needing to medicate myself. She is my cousin, who has a masters in social work. If she billed me for the hours spent talking me through stuff on the phone I would have to sign my house over to her! What a gal. She seemed to think that since at some point I was feeling better, I didn't need to medicate myself. AND that it was understandable that seeing that bug on my autistic son's head, and knowing what that could mean for HIM was enough to set me off again. Ok I'm feeling a bit better.

Then today I get a phone call, from Jacob's mom 2 doors down. Jacob has lice. The first notification from someone who most likely caught it from us. Zachary and Jacob played at the park on Friday. They found it Friday. Ok maybe I'm not done.

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