Tidy it up, Tidy it up

As I mentioned Daniel is getting into this cleaning thing. We had company all weekend and at one point Daniel was cleaning up the toys in the family room. When I remarked to my cousin that possibly Daniel is getting a (bit) obsessive, her comment was, "ahem, I wonder where he gets THAT from". I know you can't see the gesture she made with her eyes toward me. . . and I know I can be a (bit) ahem, obsessive myself. I would like to know, where is the line between being neat and well, ocd? I am not schooled in this area and am really wondering if any of you moms out there can tell me.

I think I can let it go. . . sometimes. Sometimes I can't. Daniel can't stand anything out in our family room or the kitchen. Neither can I. This is what he has gotten used to, so now when there are toys out in the FR he immediately starts perseverating that they need to be put away. I assure him that once people are actually finished with them, they will be. This weekend our visitors left our some things and Daniel just went behind and put them back where they belong. If his brother makes himself a bowl of cereal and eats it is the FR and leaves it there (usually the case) Daniel who GAGS at the cite of cereal or anywhere cereal has been, will carry the bowl to the sink in the kitchen while trying not to puke and make yet another mess. He would rather move the bowl and gag, than leave it there. The (seemingly) easy answer is to get the BROTHER to move it, but that happens 10% of the time. I'm working on it though.

Between the visitors and the party Sunday, I've been staying on top of things. Then today I had the contractor coming over who gutted my kitchen a year and a half ago. He was coming to take pictures for his business to show his work. So yet again this morning I was cleaning the kitchen. Of course that winter sun was shining bright which will show any dust on the floor or the windows, so I was maybe, well, obsessing just a wee tiny bit. But c'mon, these pictures are going to be shown to his prospective clients for years. Do I really want there to be fingerprints on my microwave?? I remember looking at the pictures when I was deciding on which contractor to use and went through saying things, like, why did they keep that old dishwasher, why did they do this, why did they do that. It makes me crazy to think someone might be doing that to MY kitchen. . . but I digress.

Daniel came in the kitchen and said, "you're cleaning the kitchen, ahhhhh I love that". He said with such happy satisfaction. The "mop" was sitting there. It isn't actually a mop, I don't know what you call it, I put these washable pads on them to clean my hardwood floors. He said, "can I mop for you?" and proceeded to run around the kitchen with the "mop" singing his favorite Bear in the Big Blue house song, c'mon everybody let's clean up the house, LET'S GO". etc etc. I looked everywhere on line and can't find this video? What's up with that?

When we finished, he sat down with a look of comfort and said, "I love the house clean, can you smell those cleaners .. . ahhhhhh". I have to say, I totally totally agree Daniel. It makes me happy. I get a bit angry myself when things are junky and it really bothers me visually. So the question is, is this the autism, ocd, or just a desire for neatness? Am I making it worse? Or am I helping him learn how to be responsible and clean up after himself and take care of his surroundings? Where is the line? Let's hear it.

And the Oscar goes to. . . .

I am in my post Oscar fog right now. I stayed up until 1:00 am last night cleaning up after my low key party. This is my 3rd year having a few of the ladies from my neighborhood over to watch the Oscars. We have a neighborhood thing going on where the guys play poker once a month and the ladies try to get out once a month. That doesn't really happen, but we try. As my turn to plan I started having these 7 women over to watch the Oscars with me. I always watched it on my own, and it's a lot more fun to share it with others. Plus I threw in a prize for guessing the most awards correctly. It makes those "best sound mixing" awards a lot more interesting when you throw in a little friendly competition.

Besides getting ready for this, I had my cousin's family here all weekend then went to the MSU basketball game on Sunday afternoon. I'm tired and I feel that scratchiness in my throat that may be an indication of my first illness of this long cold winter. I have a busy week and am thinking I won't be at full strength. I know, enough whining I'm a lucky girl to have all of this on my plate!

In my rush getting home from the basketball game I had an hour and a half to get the rest of my gathering together. Of late Daniel has been hanging around me a lot in the kitchen. He loves to watch me washing dishes and cleaning up. I have been asking him to do a few things here and there because I felt that maybe he wanted to help, but wasn't asking. It can be confusing with Daniel because his verbal nature makes you think he can just ask for something or tell you his needs and sometimes he just doesn't know how to do that. You have to read him.

Yesterday, while I was in preparation, Daniel was again at my heels. A bottle of Windex was sitting on the counter, so I asked him to clean the table. He sprayed it down and wiped it all clean. It looked pretty good. Then the vacuum was sitting in the family room right off of the kitchen. I thought, what the heck, I asked him to vacuum the f.r. He did. I went in and showed him a few areas to go over again, and he did, without getting mad at me. (Note: he can get upset when you try to show him something because he feels the need to do everything perfectly. So pointing things out like this usually means he didn't do it perfect) Meanwhile I was getting the food and drinks ready. We watch the show in the basement because we have a big screen TV and a wonderfully huge, comfortable sectional in a nicely finished basement. But that makes for a lot of trips up and down the stairs. I kept putting things on the island and Daniel would pick things up and say, "where do I put it"? I'd tell him and HE'D DO IT. It was amazing. AND extremely helpful. I don't think I would have finished on time had he not done that. He ran up and down the stairs a LOT putting things in place for me.

For a while now we have been giving him small jobs and using a job chart. He LOVES the job chart. We started simple. Brushing his teeth twice a day is on there, along with making his bed every day. This is NOT something he did regularly before the chart, but now he does. We also have things he is working on in speech. Like "Do something nice for someone". I realize that isn't a traditional "job", but with Daniel he will be much more likely to do something if you write it down. Maybe everyone of us should write down every day to, "do something nice for someone", it might be a lot nicer world?! I think after all of the wonderful things he did yesterday I'm going to have to add on to that chart. We go over it at the end of the day and check off all of the things he accomplished. It is a wonderful POSITIVE (there's that word again) way to end the day.

When all was said and done, things were ready when the guests arrived. I didn't get that red carpet out that I bought last year, because I ran out of time. But for all intensive purposes, the things that should have been done, were done. Daniel was really proud of himself for being so helpful, I was thrilled to have him with me and to be able to give him lots of positive reinforcement with compliments of his good work. Plus Daniel is learning things he needs to do if that day ever comes when he is able to go out on his own. Cleaning up, vacuuming, and really, socializing too. I think the Oscar should really go to . . . Daniel ok and maybe my husband who needed to work, but let me go to the basketball game then have my party.

Partner

At the end of last summer I signed up for facebook. I love facebook. It is a bit embarrassing how much time I spend on it. But it has really reconnected me with a lot of my family members and I have become friends with a few people from my community that I may not have pre facebook. It can be a wonderful connector. It can also suck the time right out of your life.

One of the blogs I regularly read is www.dooce.com. Heather is an incredibly funny woman and makes her living by her blog. I admire that. Her husband also works with her and it is their families joint venture. It is one of only a few blogs that I read that isn't related to autism and I look forward to her posts. I recently read she is one of the top 35 blogs. Impressive. The link between the first two paragraphs is that on facebook there have been a lot of "lists" going around. I always do them. You fill them out and tag your friends. I think they are fun and informative. Heather put one on her blog about her partner, Jon. She suggested we, her readers, do the same, why not? I thought it might be nice for people to get a bit of a clue about MY partner in this crazy life. Even though I am the blogger, he is just as much a part of this crazy world of autism as I am. Usually, I try not to talk about him too much, but I'm throwing that out the window. This will also show that he never actually even reads my blog because he won't even mention this. . .

What are your middle names? My middle name is Marie. Todd's middle name is James. In our families James always fit's in there somewhere.

How long have you been together? You know it's been a long time when you have to stop and think and count. I always thought people were nuts when they had to do that and here I am. Lord help me when I forget what year we were married. But to answer the question, married 19 years. Dated for 5 before that. With only one small break. But we won't talk about that. . .


How long did you know each other before you started dating? Maybe a year or so. We went to the same high school and I didn't really know who he was for most of it. It wasn't until he was in my Chemistry class and I got to know him. Let's just say, Chemistry is not my thing. We weren't dating then, and I would get my bunson burner started and then say, "Toooooddd, now what?" Total foreshadowing for the rest of his life.

Who asked whom out? He called me and after a, like, 2 hour great conversation asked me out and I said no. I am sort of just remembering this. I was dating someone else. So I was doing the right thing. Good thing his ego is not bruised so easily. But I did end up breaking up with the other guy to go out with Todd.

How old are each of you? I am 41 and he is 40, but only for one more month. Then he'll be 41 like me. I just said the other day, "then we'll be the same age". He very adamantly reminded me that we will NEVER be the same age, and that I will ALWAYS be older. Whatever. I have no grey hair. Take THAT Todd.

Whose siblings do you see the most? Considering I have none, his. He has one brother. If you consider my cousin Rebecca my sister (which I do) we see her more.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? Well, it has to be the autism. Sometimes we just don't see eye to eye on how to handle a situation. Or we interpret what's going on with Daniel differently. I, of course, am always right and as soon as he realizes that, things will go much smoother.

Did you go to the same school? We went to the same high school and college. I graduated high school in 1985 he in 1986. We both went to MSU and he graduated on time in June 1990, I was two terms over and graduated in March 1990. It should be noted that I worked all through the school year and he didn't. But the delayed graduation may possibly have a direct correlation with the amount of time spent in bars.

Are you from the same home town? We are both from Grand Rapids MI although he didn't always live there. He moved there in something like 6th grade.

Who is smarter? What a loaded question. But OK. Todd is much smarter than me. or is it I? When it comes to remembering information he remembers names REALLY well and I don't AT ALL. So if I've met you, or even spent a year in a class with you or even spent a whole weekend together, and I don't remember your name. I apologize. I remember numbers, so if you tell me your Visa number, I might remember that. Which Todd does not at all. Although he THINKS he does which can be really annoying because he is always sure he is right.


Who is the most sensitive? Why do you ask?? Did he say something??

Where do you eat out most as a couple? We don't usually. But we would either go to Mitchell's Fish Market, or El Azteco a staple in downtown East Lansing.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? Puerto Vallarta or St John, which is further?

Who has the craziest exes? We've been together for 24 years? Who remembers exes? Oh he probably does, see the earlier question.

Who has the worst temper? Neither one of us has much of a temper, but he is more likely to snap than I am.

Who does the cooking? Let's just say that a few months ago Todd made chili for a poker party he was having and Zachary was laughing HYSTERICALLY at the image of Todd in the kitchen.

Who is more stubborn? This is tough, I'd say him. It stems from the "always being right" thing. He would never give in and say OK. Well he would, but he would roll his eyes and smirk and say "o.k." nodding his head in that super condescending way that sends me into orbit.

Who hogs the bed? Neither of us. We have a King size bed so we don't have these issues.

Who wakes up earlier? This is the easiest question I've ever had. Todd. Hands down. On the weekend we used to take turns getting up in the a.m. with the kids. On the day it was my turn to get up with them, I'd get up and start making breakfast and 10 minutes later Todd would get up. It drove me nuts. On the other day, I'd sleep for hours. We don't do that anymore.

Where was your first date? I have NO IDEA. I don't remember if we "went out" before the homecoming dance that year. I was 17! Be we did go to homecoming together. awwwww. Isn't that cute?

Who is more jealous? I don't think either of us is jealous. We are very secure in our relationship.

How long did it take to get serious? Um, we were 16 and 17. So a while.

Who eats more? We really eat about the same amount. But I don't share my food, so if he wants more, he's not getting it off of my plate.

Who does the laundry? ME. His excuse is that I used to have a complicated system of using different detergents with different clothes. I don't do that anymore, so the excuse is gone. He acts like he is unable, physically, to do the laundry. He'll stand in front of the machine and look at it with a blank stare and say, "what do I do?" Let me note that recently, my civil engineering husband, took the ENTIRE washing machine apart, fixed it for $11 (while I was waiting with bated breath to run out and go buy a front loader) then put it back together. And he acts like he can't start a load of laundry?

Who's better with the computer? Are you kidding me? He LOVES it when I call him at work and tell him the computer isn't working and ask him what to do! He can't actually SEE the computer you understand, but I still ask him how to fix it. Guess what, sometimes he does!

Who drives when you are together? Todd. Almost all the time. If I do, he spends the whole time, muttering "oh my God" under his breath and stepping on the imaginary break on that side of the car. Or saying things like "you can't even see their bumper anymore, slow down." what a wimp.

Feel free to answer some or all of the same questions about your significant other in the comments, or leave a link to your website if you prefer answering there.

Jaws

Can you hear it?? Da da, da da, dat dat dat dat. The "Jaws" music. I hear it in my head. There is something out there, looming in the distance. Waiting. As it gets closer, the music speeds up, my anxiety's rise. As usual, I look in control and calm. But I can feel it getting closer to me. It's Daniel's transition to, gulp, middle school. Yup. Next year is 7th grade. In our district the 7th and 8th graders are all together. There is only one middle school and they are all there. And I'll be sending Daniel there. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

We already know he'll have a different para pro. I'm not even sure how that will look. The Special Ed Director has hinted things might be "different". (Note to self, I need to call her). My transition IEP is set for March 25. I have set up a special tour at the middle school for my husband and I. There is a day that is set up for a tour for all parents, but it's after our IEP. I already sent the email requesting a special tour. I have even gotten a response! I need a "visual" to be able to have intelligent conversation for my IEP. While on the tour we will be able to chat with the resource teacher.


I'm getting ready. I'm planning. I'm thinking about what he'll need, constantly. I need to start making a list. I can feel it closing in on me. Da da, da da. . . Right now I'm safe in a boat rocking softly in the water out in the middle of the vast ocean. I just hope that giant shark doesn't jump out of the water and pull me in.

Swimming Update

Daniel did indeed give Nikki a Valentine. He filled it out before we went into swimming. When we walked in he said, "Happy Valentines Day Nikki, I brought you a Valentine." She was so sweet about it as well as completely touched and overwhelmed. Every girl around her all said "ohhhhhhhhhhhh that's so sweet".

After swimming when we were waiting (and waiting and waiting) for Daniel to appear from the locker room we were chatting and she actually said, "I can't believe he remembered my name so fast". My response was only, "yea, well, I'm pretty sure he likes you, a lot, he remembers names of people he likes, a lot." She was so excited. Yup. He's won over yet another girl, in just 2 hours of instruction. He is too sweet. I think it's going to be a great semester.