Partner

At the end of last summer I signed up for facebook. I love facebook. It is a bit embarrassing how much time I spend on it. But it has really reconnected me with a lot of my family members and I have become friends with a few people from my community that I may not have pre facebook. It can be a wonderful connector. It can also suck the time right out of your life.

One of the blogs I regularly read is www.dooce.com. Heather is an incredibly funny woman and makes her living by her blog. I admire that. Her husband also works with her and it is their families joint venture. It is one of only a few blogs that I read that isn't related to autism and I look forward to her posts. I recently read she is one of the top 35 blogs. Impressive. The link between the first two paragraphs is that on facebook there have been a lot of "lists" going around. I always do them. You fill them out and tag your friends. I think they are fun and informative. Heather put one on her blog about her partner, Jon. She suggested we, her readers, do the same, why not? I thought it might be nice for people to get a bit of a clue about MY partner in this crazy life. Even though I am the blogger, he is just as much a part of this crazy world of autism as I am. Usually, I try not to talk about him too much, but I'm throwing that out the window. This will also show that he never actually even reads my blog because he won't even mention this. . .

What are your middle names? My middle name is Marie. Todd's middle name is James. In our families James always fit's in there somewhere.

How long have you been together? You know it's been a long time when you have to stop and think and count. I always thought people were nuts when they had to do that and here I am. Lord help me when I forget what year we were married. But to answer the question, married 19 years. Dated for 5 before that. With only one small break. But we won't talk about that. . .


How long did you know each other before you started dating? Maybe a year or so. We went to the same high school and I didn't really know who he was for most of it. It wasn't until he was in my Chemistry class and I got to know him. Let's just say, Chemistry is not my thing. We weren't dating then, and I would get my bunson burner started and then say, "Toooooddd, now what?" Total foreshadowing for the rest of his life.

Who asked whom out? He called me and after a, like, 2 hour great conversation asked me out and I said no. I am sort of just remembering this. I was dating someone else. So I was doing the right thing. Good thing his ego is not bruised so easily. But I did end up breaking up with the other guy to go out with Todd.

How old are each of you? I am 41 and he is 40, but only for one more month. Then he'll be 41 like me. I just said the other day, "then we'll be the same age". He very adamantly reminded me that we will NEVER be the same age, and that I will ALWAYS be older. Whatever. I have no grey hair. Take THAT Todd.

Whose siblings do you see the most? Considering I have none, his. He has one brother. If you consider my cousin Rebecca my sister (which I do) we see her more.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? Well, it has to be the autism. Sometimes we just don't see eye to eye on how to handle a situation. Or we interpret what's going on with Daniel differently. I, of course, am always right and as soon as he realizes that, things will go much smoother.

Did you go to the same school? We went to the same high school and college. I graduated high school in 1985 he in 1986. We both went to MSU and he graduated on time in June 1990, I was two terms over and graduated in March 1990. It should be noted that I worked all through the school year and he didn't. But the delayed graduation may possibly have a direct correlation with the amount of time spent in bars.

Are you from the same home town? We are both from Grand Rapids MI although he didn't always live there. He moved there in something like 6th grade.

Who is smarter? What a loaded question. But OK. Todd is much smarter than me. or is it I? When it comes to remembering information he remembers names REALLY well and I don't AT ALL. So if I've met you, or even spent a year in a class with you or even spent a whole weekend together, and I don't remember your name. I apologize. I remember numbers, so if you tell me your Visa number, I might remember that. Which Todd does not at all. Although he THINKS he does which can be really annoying because he is always sure he is right.


Who is the most sensitive? Why do you ask?? Did he say something??

Where do you eat out most as a couple? We don't usually. But we would either go to Mitchell's Fish Market, or El Azteco a staple in downtown East Lansing.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? Puerto Vallarta or St John, which is further?

Who has the craziest exes? We've been together for 24 years? Who remembers exes? Oh he probably does, see the earlier question.

Who has the worst temper? Neither one of us has much of a temper, but he is more likely to snap than I am.

Who does the cooking? Let's just say that a few months ago Todd made chili for a poker party he was having and Zachary was laughing HYSTERICALLY at the image of Todd in the kitchen.

Who is more stubborn? This is tough, I'd say him. It stems from the "always being right" thing. He would never give in and say OK. Well he would, but he would roll his eyes and smirk and say "o.k." nodding his head in that super condescending way that sends me into orbit.

Who hogs the bed? Neither of us. We have a King size bed so we don't have these issues.

Who wakes up earlier? This is the easiest question I've ever had. Todd. Hands down. On the weekend we used to take turns getting up in the a.m. with the kids. On the day it was my turn to get up with them, I'd get up and start making breakfast and 10 minutes later Todd would get up. It drove me nuts. On the other day, I'd sleep for hours. We don't do that anymore.

Where was your first date? I have NO IDEA. I don't remember if we "went out" before the homecoming dance that year. I was 17! Be we did go to homecoming together. awwwww. Isn't that cute?

Who is more jealous? I don't think either of us is jealous. We are very secure in our relationship.

How long did it take to get serious? Um, we were 16 and 17. So a while.

Who eats more? We really eat about the same amount. But I don't share my food, so if he wants more, he's not getting it off of my plate.

Who does the laundry? ME. His excuse is that I used to have a complicated system of using different detergents with different clothes. I don't do that anymore, so the excuse is gone. He acts like he is unable, physically, to do the laundry. He'll stand in front of the machine and look at it with a blank stare and say, "what do I do?" Let me note that recently, my civil engineering husband, took the ENTIRE washing machine apart, fixed it for $11 (while I was waiting with bated breath to run out and go buy a front loader) then put it back together. And he acts like he can't start a load of laundry?

Who's better with the computer? Are you kidding me? He LOVES it when I call him at work and tell him the computer isn't working and ask him what to do! He can't actually SEE the computer you understand, but I still ask him how to fix it. Guess what, sometimes he does!

Who drives when you are together? Todd. Almost all the time. If I do, he spends the whole time, muttering "oh my God" under his breath and stepping on the imaginary break on that side of the car. Or saying things like "you can't even see their bumper anymore, slow down." what a wimp.

Feel free to answer some or all of the same questions about your significant other in the comments, or leave a link to your website if you prefer answering there.